Loneliness is no respecter of persons. It can strike young and old, married and unmarried, male and female, rich and poor, extrovert and introvert. For some, loneliness may result from life circumstances that isolate and prevent us from cultivating relationships in the ways we’d like. For others, loneliness can be present despite being around other people regularly. In both cases, there can be a deep sense of feeling unseen, unknown, unloved, and disconnected from others, which can fuel anxiety, shame, or depression. As Christians, how do we understand loneliness from a biblical perspective to orient ourselves in this painful providence?
1. Loneliness is a result of the fall.
To understand the experience of loneliness, we must go back to the very beginning. The triune God, who is eternally existent in three persons sharing all-satisfying fellowship with one another, created mankind in His own image. Part of what that means is that we, like God, are relational beings. This is why it was “not good” for Adam to be alone before Eve was created. Before the fall, Adam and Eve enjoyed unbroken fellowship both with God and with one another. But when sin entered the world, so did the experience of loneliness, and we all taste its bitter fruit to one extent or another.
In discussing loneliness, it’s helpful to go back to the beginning because in doing so, we acknowledge that the experience of loneliness is not how things were originally meant to be. Loneliness feels wrong because, in a very real sense, it is wrong. That’s why we groan under the weight of the curse—because it’s not supposed to be this way. Therefore, our loneliness actually testifies to the truth of the goodness of the original creation and the bitterness of sin and the suffering it brought into the world.
2. Loneliness is a form of suffering.
Loneliness is also a form of suffering. While there may be times and ways in which our own personal sin causes or contributes to our experience of loneliness, it’s often the case that our loneliness is not correlated to any specific sin on our part. But until we are glorified in the presence of the Lord, to one degree or another, we struggle to experience the kind of communion with God and with one another that our hearts were created for. And until God eradicates sin entirely from His people and His world, our limitations and failures in our love for one another create a painful space where loneliness is an ever-present threat.
Acknowledging loneliness as a form of suffering helps us because we can then grieve over the painfulness of the experience and bring it before the Lord in lament. In Psalm 142:2, David says, “I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him.” He goes on to present a powerful image of the painfulness of loneliness: “Look to the right and see: there is none who takes notice of me; no refuge remains to me; no one cares for my soul” (Ps. 142:4).
3. Suffering loneliness can tempt us to sin.
Suffering the sting of loneliness can also tempt us to sin, seeking to satisfy our longings for connection through means that God has prohibited. In our fallenness, we are skilled in self-justification, finding plausible-seeming reasons why what God calls sin is permissible in our particular circumstances.
David acknowledges the believer’s dual identity as both sufferer and sinner when he says: “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins” (Ps. 25:16–18). As we suffer loneliness, we are wise to remain vigilant against temptation and sin.
4. Loneliness drives us to take refuge in God.
As we bring our lament about our loneliness before God, grieving that we can find no refuge in the companionship of friends, we turn to the One of whom it can be said, “You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living” (Ps. 142:5). In our loneliness, we feel disconnected from fellow human beings. But as we bring those laments to God in prayer, by faith we connect to Him, finding divine refuge where human refuge is lacking. Part of the sweetness of turning to God as our refuge lies in the fact that Jesus Christ experienced and understands what it’s like to be lonely. He prophesied before His arrest and crucifixion: “Behold, the hour is coming, indeed it has come, when you . . . will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me” (John 16:32).
Jesus knew He would be abandoned by His followers and friends, but His comfort was in the fact that the Father was with Him. But on the cross, as He bore the divine judgment for sin, He felt the howling abyss of loneliness in His human nature as He experienced the presence of God’s wrath and the absence of His divine favor and fellowship. And because He was forsaken in this way on our behalf, we can confidently say with the Apostle Paul that even though “all deserted me . . . the Lord stood by me and strengthened me” (2 Tim. 4:16–17).
5. Loneliness is temporary.
Because Jesus has satisfied the wrath of God against sin for all who place their faith in Him, and because one day God will bring about a new heavens and earth in which righteousness dwells, we can live in confident hope that ultimately, our loneliness is temporary. David ends Psalm 142 by saying, “The righteous will surround me, for you will deal bountifully with me” (Ps. 142:7).
This is the ultimate hope for every Christian who is lonely in this life. One day, we will be surrounded by the righteous in never-ending, joyous fellowship. We will be perfectly righteous, others will be perfectly righteous, and no one will ever feel overlooked, unloved, unknown, or disconnected. And in this redeemed and restored world of righteousness, loneliness will be one of the former things that has passed away—forever.
Ligonier Ministries