With so much said about marriage, it’s important to remember the essentials. Whether you are married or single, here are five things you should know about marriage summarized by the famed five Ws: who, what, when, where, and why.
1. Who: Marriage is designed by God, for one man and one woman, evenly yoked (Gen. 2:24; Matt. 19:4–5).
God created marriage. If we expect God’s blessing on marriage, it’s wise to heed His rules for it. Most importantly for Christians, this means sharing the same faith (2 Cor. 6:14). Sometimes a Christian ends up married to a non-Christian because people change. Either one spouse comes to faith or one spouse proves never to have had true faith in the first place. Though God permits such mixed-faith marriages, and even works through such marriages, He commands us not to enter such a marriage by choice. For a Christian to choose to marry a non-Christian is to walk away from Christ rather than toward Him and to lose step with the Spirit rather than keeping in step with Him (Gal. 5:16–19).
2. What: Marriage is a lifelong union between husband and wife, picturing the relationship between Christ and the church.
Marriage entails two people leaving their family of origin to start a new family. A Christian marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church, His bride (Eph. 5:32; 2 Cor. 11:2). As such, husbands are given commands modeled after Christ’s role as head of the church. Husbands are called to lead sacrificially, even to lay down their life for their wife as Christ did for the church (Eph. 5:25). Similarly, wives are given commands corresponding to the church’s role as the body of Christ. Wives are called to submit to their husband as the church submits to Christ (Eph. 5:24). Both roles are equally important. What an honor and responsibility couples have to reveal the relationship between Christ and the church through their marriage.
3. When: Marriage is for a lifetime, but not for eternity (Matt. 22:30).
Marriage is for the here and now reality, as many vows say, “For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live.” It’s not just for the times we feel loved or we feel like loving—it is for life. While God provides divorce as an option for particular circumstances, it is not to be pursued as a response to every unwanted, unexpected, or unfair situation. In anticipation of marital challenges, couples wisely pray for God to renew, add to, and even multiply their love for one another (Matt. 7:7), knowing that God is pleased to answer such prayers (1 John 5:14–15).
One reason couples need such prayers is because we are still sinners, but this is no reason to lose hope. Following the pattern set by Christ, the Spirit enables us to sacrificially love one another. The presence of sin is not an obstacle to marriage, only its setting. God calls couples, by His grace, to bear with one another in love (Eph. 4:2). Wise couples trust God to help them make the most of a less-than-perfect marriage—and take notice of and thank God for His many blessings in it (1 Thess. 5:18).
Whether married in this life or single, all believers will most certainly and fully enjoy the marriage supper of the Lamb, the one permanent and perfect marriage between Christ and the church in heaven for all eternity (Rev. 19:6–9).
4. Where: Marriage establishes a new family and a new home.
As the King James Version poetically puts it, God calls husband and wife to “leave and cleave” (Gen. 2:24). Shifting one’s primary loyalty from parents to spouse can be challenging. Some physical distance between a couple and their parents can help this process. God calls married couples to continue to honor parents but not necessarily to obey them (Ex. 20:12; Eph. 6:2–3). Couples must discern the difference. They can listen to parents’ advice, even welcome their wisdom, but couples must freely make their own decisions as an independent family, for that is how God sees them (Gen. 2:24).
5. Why: God gives four purposes for marriage. Married couples honor God by seeking to fulfill all four as He gives opportunity.
Raising children. While some married couples might be providentially hindered from having children, Scripture views children as a blessing to be sought out (Ps. 127:3–5; Mal. 2:15), and parents are to raise children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:4).
Sexual satisfaction. God does not allow sex outside of marriage (1 Cor. 7:2). Within marriage, it is to be enjoyed, like any other good gift from God.
Blessing the world and the church. Often, a couple is greater than the sum of its parts. Two can serve better than one (Eccl. 4:9–12, Matt. 20:28).
Companionship. At creation, when God made everything, He declared it to be good (Gen. 1:31). The same can be said for marriage. The one thing that God said was not good was for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18).
If there is just one point to remember, it is this: marriage is good. Marriage is one key way in which God provides companionship for people, and we do right to expect His rich blessing upon it as we honor Him in it.
This article is part of the 5 Things You Should Know collection.
Ligonier Ministries