The BBC is reporting that Prince Harry, his wife, Meghan Markle, and their children, Prince Archie, 7, and Princess Lilibet, 5, returned to Great Britain from California on Wednesday.
You will recall that Harry and Meghan, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, have been estranged from the Royal Family since 2020. King Charles met with the couple and their children earlier this summer at Highgrove House, Charles’ “summer home.”
One reason King Charles chose Highgrove for the site of the recent gathering was that Prince Harry, along with his brother, spent summers there as children.
Royal watchers say their arrival in the U.K. is creating a public relations minefield for the family, and especially for Harry’s older brother, Prince William, the future King.
Will they reconcile and patch things up?
Last week’s Wall Street Journal asked some very practical questions:
“Will the Sussexes be invited to the royal Christmas get-together at Sandringham?”
“Will Harry, who served in Afghanistan, be offered a role in the Remembrance Sunday events for fallen soldiers this November?”
Commentators are calling the spectacle a really big show, but prestige and power notwithstanding, the Sussexes and the Waleses are real people, not simply a fictional creation of Hollywood.
Family estrangement is a growing concern in the United States, with upwards of 35% of adults saying they do not speak with one of their parents.
Focus on the Family counselors talk each month with mothers and fathers whose adult children want nothing to do with them anymore. Each situation is unique, of course, but in most cases, the son or daughter weren’t abused or mistreated. In a great number of cases, it’s the adult child who has cut the ties, often abruptly and with little explanation. The estrangement often carries on for months and even years.
You’d like to think this is a rare occurrence, but it’s not. One study found that 27% of adult children have cut off any relationship with their fathers and 7% with their mothers.
If you find yourself in a situation where your adult son or daughter has cut off ties with you, what should you do?
First, we must acknowledge that mothers and fathers aren’t perfect. There are situations when healthy boundaries between parents and adult children have been breached. It’s the wise parent that honestly and thoughtfully examines their actions, both past and current, in an effort to determine their responsibility. If there was any offense, they should apologize, ask for forgiveness, and then deliberately plot and plan a better way forward.
If the case involves actual abuse or potential danger, adult children must protect themselves and family members in their care. But in a great number situations, if the adult child refuses to work through the offense, whether perceived or actual, our counselors offer the following guidance.
Honor the boundaries your child (and, if married, their spouse) have set, no matter how harsh or unreasonable. If they’ve asked you not to call, don’t call. If you dismiss these boundaries, you’ll only end up validating their negative image of you.
Guard your own heart. It would be easy to fall into depression and anxiety or to beat yourself up and blame yourself for matters beyond your control. Don’t fall into that trap. Don’t become bitter, and don’t believe lies about your own dignity as a person. Do whatever it takes to stay emotionally healthy and keep yourself psychologically safe in spite of the circumstances.
If the situation allows for it – you know best if it does – send your child (and spouse) a card with a brief message expressing your love and good-will a couple of times a year, perhaps on birthdays and at Christmas. It’s a small thing, but it will let them know that your hearts are still open toward them. Remember Romans 12:21 – “Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.” Look for opportunities to express your love in unobtrusive ways. And remain prayerful.
Focus on the Family has a staff of counselors available to speak with you over the phone. They can refer you to reputable and qualified Christian therapists in your area. They’d also be more than happy to discuss your concerns with you person-to-person. Call our Counseling department for a free consultation.
It would be a good thing if William and Harry might both embrace the wisdom and words of the Apostle Paul:
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.”
It’s often been said that resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemy. As Christians, we recognize that forgiveness is a sign of health and strength, not weakness.
It’s our prayer that the possible reunion and reunification of the Sussexes and Waleses might encourage and even trigger other estranged family members to reach out and begin process of healing and forgiveness.
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