I was fifteen when my dad took me out for a special date. As with many families in ministry, finances were tight, so these dates typically meant one of two things: It was my birthday, or we were moving. It wasn’t my birthday.
My dad, a parachute church planter, explained that he and my mom felt the Holy Spirit stirring them to move. This time, we were moving from South Carolina to Texas. My five brothers and I each had a close circle of friends and community; I was entering my sophomore year of high school. Moving during these years would seem unthinkable to many, yet my parents had a clear vision and calling — “a burning fire” in their bones (Jeremiah 20:9) — that they would not ignore.
In 1995, my parents began their first church plant and dreamed about starting more churches where the members learned to make disciples and young leaders were trained up to continue the work. Multiplication was their vision (Matthew 28:19–20; 2 Timothy 2:2). The fruit they have joyfully seen from eighteen churches across three states (and counting) is evidence of God’s grace through their faithfulness and obedience to his calling, and we children were a part of it.
Now, this meant dozens of moves; public schools with varying levels of music, sports, and academic opportunities; below-poverty income; no family nearby; leaving friends; food-pantry school lunches. Our upbringing was not easy. Do my brothers and I resent this? Quite the opposite. Because of the unique challenges of our parents’ ministry, we grew closer together and began to understand that our family was part of something much bigger than ourselves.
Is Stability King?
In today’s society, and perhaps even within the church, my father would be criticized for his decisions. The narrative is that temporal stability and immediate happiness for children are a parent’s highest priority. Plus, we’re told that if we can control our children’s environments enough, they are more likely to become what we envision and hope for them to be.
While parents rightly strive to provide children with consistency and familiarity, these goods are not more important than God’s leading. The Bible doesn’t say, “Do what’s easiest for your children,” but rather, “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me” (John 10:27). When we hear the voice of God through his word and Spirit, when we prayerfully see the right doors swing open, when wise counsel concurs — we are called to follow without hesitation, even when it leads to discomfort or uncertainty for us or our family.
Faithfulness to God’s word and leading, more than the desire to protect our children from discomfort, is the best upbringing a parent can offer. A life of obedience to God, a willingness to invite children into the process, and a commitment to lead by example are crucial elements of faithful parenting. Children who understand that their family’s primary purpose is not to cater to personal comfort but to follow God may, by his grace, join in the mission more readily one day.
Many faithful missionaries, pastors, and church planters make difficult decisions for the sake of the gospel, often at great cost to themselves and their families. Whether it’s moving to a new city or staying in a difficult situation, these families know that the mission of God supersedes worldly comfort. They understand the biblical truth that God’s plan is more significant than any temporary ease, even for their children.
Setting Our Priorities Straight
As parents, we have the responsibility to raise our children to know God (Deuteronomy 6:4–9), and we cannot offer them an eternally healthier, safer, or happier home than one that fears the Lord Jesus and submits to his will (Ephesians 6:4). This does not mean we abandon our children for the sake of ministry, but it does mean that our earthly priorities bow to heavenly ones when the two are at odds.
When making tough decisions, it is possible to prioritize our children while still making God’s will the central focus. This requires hard work: We communicate with our children, offering an age-appropriate understanding of the why behind the decisions we’re making. And then, very practically, we labor to help our children as they adjust to the changes that come.
During our family’s many moves, my parents would often check in with me and my five brothers to make sure we were adjusting well. Once, my parents even moved us to a new place for me specifically: I had made poor decisions in that particular location and was going down a dark path. Their sacrificial move for my sake changed my life. At times, following God’s leading will mean doing what is temporally, immediately best for our children — and doing so without hesitation.
No Small Task
Yet these decisions and next steps are not always obvious. When facing a difficult decision, especially when logic, emotion, or both may seem to conflict with the leading of the Spirit, our best response is to pray. We rely on the word of God and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, as well as wise counsel from Christian community — not just on what seems easiest or safest.
At times, we may feel tempted to prioritize the comfort of our children too much, thinking that outward stability offers them a better chance of salvation. But, again, the best gift we can offer our children is a life of obedience to God, no matter the cost. Matthew 7:24–27 paints a vivid picture of the wise man who builds his house on the rock, standing firm when storms come. Do our actions show our children (and the watching world) that we are building on the rock? Or do we mostly opt for comfort and so build on sand?
In reflecting on my own upbringing, I see how the sacrifices my parents made for the sake of the gospel shaped us as a family. The moves, the discomfort, and the challenges were all part of a greater story, one of God’s faithfulness and provision. We saw God move in miraculous ways, we learned to be grateful for what we had, and we had a purpose beyond our own problems.
Continue On
As a church planter’s daughter, I encourage you, dear Christian parent, to continue on (Philippians 3:14)! Follow the lead of your Lord wherever he has you. Through the Scriptures, the Holy Spirit, continual prayer, and the church body, entrust your plans and your children to the one who will not forsake you. By God’s grace, your children will see messy, sinful, yet faith-filled and Christ-seeking parents.
Having moved dozens of times, I can’t tell you that it will be easy. But being invited into the family vision, processing it with my parents — these were priceless to my faith. When parents bring children into the story of God’s work, children may learn that following him is not always easy, but it is always worth it.
Together, as believers and parents, we can fight against the cultural narrative that creates a child-centered home. We can cultivate homes where our marriages are unified, our children are loved and cared for, and our obedience to God comes first.
Desiring God