The adage that you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone proves true for women experiencing perimenopause (the decade or so leading up to menopause). Since puberty, we’ve lived with ample estrogen, and we rarely stop to notice it until it begins to decline in middle age. Then suddenly, we become acutely aware of the widespread protective role estrogen plays in our minds and bodies.
The middle years of womanhood can leave us feeling lost in the shuffle, uncomfortable in our bodies, and unsure of our place. But even though these years are full of challenges, they’re also full of opportunities to lean into the Lord and see the beauty of his good design.
Pathway to God’s Presence
Estrogen plays a key role in brain functioning, body regulation, sleep, and protection against inflammation. When it begins to plummet, women in their 30s and 40s often feel pressed to their limits. We can’t sleep (thanks, hot flashes!), our brains get foggy, and we ride emotional roller coasters we thought we left behind in our teen years. And in a cruel twist of fate, our bodies compensate for the loss of estrogen by retaining more fat.
We walk 10,000 steps a day in weighted vests to lose weight, build bone density, and counteract the cortisol our bodies try to collect. We wrestle with unmet expectations and changing dynamics, like not having the spouse or children we hoped for or watching our families change as our kids grow up and leave. Add to the mix that we live in a culture that puts a high premium on youth and beauty, and you’ve got the formula for a host of middle-aged women living at the end of themselves.
Yet these years marked by unsettling changes can serve to press us closer to Christ, who is the same yesterday and today and forever (Heb. 13:8). As our bodies fade, we can cling to God’s Word, which stands forever (1 Pet. 1:24–25). As we’re pushed to the edge of our abilities and capacities, we can remember that, as Charles Spurgeon says, “[our] extremity is God’s opportunity.”
These years marked by unsettling changes can serve to press us closer to Christ who is the same yesterday and today and forever.
God created us with limitations before the fall. He doesn’t despise our dependence; he wired us for it. In our weakness, the stage is set for a clearer display of his goodness and power (2 Cor. 12:8–10). Seen as such, the perimenopausal years are a pathway that leads us deeper into God’s presence (Heb. 4:14–16).
Powerlessness and Prayerfulness
During these years, we’re stripped of the illusion of control—we can’t control our sleep cycles (despite melatonin, chamomile tea, and nary a screen in sight), we can’t control our emotional swings, and we can’t control our weight. Faced with such powerlessness, it’s tempting to fall into one of two ditches: apathy or overwork.
The hilarious social media group “The We Do Not Care Club” illustrates our tendency toward apathy. We don’t care about cleaning under the couch, we don’t care that we haven’t changed our meal plan in a month, and we don’t care that you caught us plucking pesky facial hairs at the stoplight. While the humor helps us digest some of the disappointment of these years and might encourage us to let go of things that really don’t matter, we mustn’t let apathy or indifference become our general attitude toward life. As believers in Christ, we have a deeper motivation for all we do: to honor and serve God (Col. 3:17).
On the other hand, we shouldn’t adopt the world’s prescription of grinding harder. While it’s good to walk more steps and watch our diets, we cannot put our hope in our habits or our efforts to counteract the inevitable changes in our bodies. If we try, we’ll rob ourselves of the peace, joy, and rest that Christ offers us at great cost through his life, death, and resurrection (1 Cor. 16:16–20; 1 Pet. 1:17–19).
In our weakness, the stage is set for a clearer display of God’s goodness and power.
Instead, we can turn our powerlessness into prayerfulness. Prayer allows us to care deeply (fighting apathy) when we feel out of control, while placing our hope in God’s perfect care and control rather than in our hustle (Col. 1:17; 1 Pet. 5:7). When we can’t sleep, we can pray for our families and our churches. As we get those steps in, we can meditate on God’s precious and very great promises (2 Pet. 1:4). We may lack estrogen, but we have everything we need for life and godliness (v. 3).
God’s Good Design
Contrary to popular belief, the changes taking place in our bodies during these years aren’t random. They’re under the guidance of our Creator, even as they’re subject to the reality of the fall. Modern neuroscience reveals that the brain fog women experience during perimenopause is a by-product of the brain getting a “hardware update” for the years beyond fertility.
On the other side of menopause, women’s brains are rewired for more empathy and greater emotional regulation. It’s no coincidence that older women often offer a steady presence, a listening ear, and a helpful perspective. God has designed their brains to grow in this way. God’s purposes for women last well beyond our reproductive years. He intends that we bear much fruit as we abide in him in every season (John 15:8)—even perimenopause.
The Gospel Coalition