There’s a thought that swings through my brain like a predictable pendulum if I don’t stop it: You’re behind.
Online, I see women who are building huge businesses, executing a five-step program for keeping their homes immaculate, or making freezer meals a month in advance. I glance around and see the toys on the floor and the school books on the kitchen table—and I don’t even know what I’m making for dinner tonight.
That’s when, if I’m not diligent, I hear the lies of the enemy: You’re behind. At this point in your life, you should have it together. You should be making more money, running a tighter ship, or at least running 5Ks. Everyone else is lightyears ahead of you, and you’ll never catch up.
Some days, I fail to fight those lies and I slip into an emotional hole that seems to be ever-widening. But when I fight back with the Word of God, I acknowledge these thoughts for what they are—lies that seek to discourage me from running my race by turning my focus to the races of others.
Here’s how I’ve learned to fight comparison and, instead, walk in Christ’s freedom from that nagging sense of feeling behind.
Focus on Following Christ
I’d never expect both of my children to choose the same favorite color, let alone the same lifelong career. I don’t assume that all of my friends will enjoy the same kind of food or desire the same number of children. Why is it, then, that I think my life should look like the lives of those around me in terms of career, family, or calling?
We see in Scripture that Peter also wrestled with comparison. After Peter denied Christ, Jesus reinstated him and foreshadowed his death as a martyr. Then he gave Peter a simple command: “Follow me” (John 21:19). Peter’s response was to look over his shoulder and ask what was going to happen to John:
When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?” Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!” (John 21:21–22)
Jesus didn’t answer Peter’s inquiry about John’s calling or compare John’s life to Peter’s. Instead, he noted that Peter’s responsibility was to focus on and follow Christ.
This is our call as well. When we’re tempted to look over our shoulders and wonder about how our lives compare to those around us (or to those we see through a screen), we fight by turning our eyes to Christ and following him. We turn to prayerful Bible reading rather than to other people. We seek validation about our value and worth from God’s Word, rather than from how we might measure up to those around us. (Ephesians 2:4–10 is a good place to start.)
Remember the Body of Christ—and Serve
Comparison gives me a narrow view of my life, pitting my abilities and accomplishments against those of someone else. How do I measure up against her? How do I fare when compared to him? Am I behind in my life when I think about where she is in hers?
But the truth is that my qualities, gifts, and accomplishments aren’t ultimately for me. I’m part of something much bigger—the body of Christ.
When we’re tempted to compare our lives to those around us (or to those we see through a screen), we fight by turning our eyes to Christ and following him.
Each of us has a unique calling within the body of Christ, and God has given us spiritual gifts to help us fulfill our work in his kingdom. Comparison to others (and worrying about if we’re behind or ahead of them) slows us down from the work we’re called to do, and it hinders the whole body of Christ from functioning together well. As Paul wrote to the Corinthian church:
If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. (1 Cor. 12:26–27)
One antidote to worrying about being behind is to remember that we’re part of the larger body of Christ—and then go and serve the other parts of the body who need it. When we look outside ourselves and attend to the needs of others, we step out of the narrow focus of comparison and participate in God’s work in the church and the world.
Leave Judgment to the Lord
When I worry about being “behind” compared to those around me, I’m ultimately trying to judge my own accomplishments—my own life—in light of theirs. But the reality is, I’m hardly able to see myself rightly, let alone judge myself rightly. The apostle Paul understood this, so he counted his own judgments and the judgments of others as nothing:
But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me. (1 Cor. 4:3–4)
Only God can judge us (Rom. 14:4). And he will not judge us based on how our lives measure up to other people—he will judge us according to how we live with the “talents” he’s given us (Matt 25:14–30).
One antidote to worrying about being behind is to remember that we’re part of the larger body of Christ.
God’s ultimate judgment for believers will be based, not on our work, but on the work of Jesus Christ. The truth is that we’ll never measure up to the standard of perfection God demands—we are, in fact, constantly “behind” in life because of our sin. But the precious blood of our Savior and his atoning work on the cross enable us to stand before God and be saved (1 Pet. 1:18–19; 1 John 2:2). “Thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Cor. 15:57)!
When we worry about being behind in life, we’re ultimately comparing ourselves to other people, rather than looking to Christ for fulfillment and direction. But by focusing on Christ, serving others, and leaving judgment to the Lord as we cling to the cross, we can fight the lies of the enemy and walk in freedom from fear and comparison.
The Gospel Coalition