Recently, as my husband and I chatted with a newlywed couple, the wife remarked, “We need to hang out with your family soon as a form of birth control for us!” She was referring to our four kids, and despite the discomfort I felt at her words, I laughed. Looking back, I wish I’d said, “I hope hanging out with us would do quite the opposite—kids are such a blessing!” I missed the opportunity.
While joking about kids may seem inconsequential in the moment, this sort of talk points to a larger cultural trend toward devaluing children by depicting them as burdensome and annoying. As Christians, we need to pause and reflect on how we speak about our children. Do our comments about parenting and our children’s struggles reflect Christ’s heart or the hot takes of our culture? Under the guise of seeking comic relief from parenting’s challenges, could we be sinning by how we talk about children and their sin?
Consider Why You’re Laughing
As a mom of four children under 4, I’m often targeted by my social media algorithms with parenting reels and ads. Most are jokes about how hard being a mom is, how annoying children are, and how much parents deserve a break.
Do our comments about parenting and the struggles of our children reflect Christ’s heart or the hot takes of our culture?
At first, I chuckled at the relatability of kids throwing fits and moms making witty jokes about the fatigue and challenges of parenting. We all need a good laugh sometimes. But laughing at the expense of another person can be a way of disguising slander, scoffing, and gossip. Consider Paul’s commands about our speech in Ephesians:
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. (4:29)
Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. (5:4)
Instead of speaking words that tear down, we’re to use words that build up. Instead of making crude jokes, we’re to offer thanksgiving. What a radical way to think about my speech at the end of a long, tiring day of parenting. Choosing words of gratitude instead of coping by complaining doesn’t come naturally, but by the Holy Spirit’s power, we can grow in this area. And it’s worth the effort.
Consider Who’s Listening
What might happen if we as Christians replaced our negative joking about how hard parenting is with words of gratitude for our children and the God who created them? Here are three groups who’d benefit from this shift in words and attitude.
1. Our Children
Consider what our kids internalize by hearing our joking and complaints about them. Even when we think they don’t understand, children often pick up on more than we give them credit for. We’re wise to consider how our critical jokes influence what they believe about themselves and how they behave.
Furthermore, our children begin to believe and act according to the things we say about them—and so do we. Jokes that seem harmless may plant seeds of discontent and ingratitude that take root in our hearts and influence how we view and interact with our kids.
2. People Who Don’t Have Children
America is experiencing a substantial decline in the birth rate, down 20 percent since 2007. While there’s no definitive explanation, there’s a lot of speculation about why it has fallen so dramatically, including the growing idea that children hinder career or life goals, are a financial burden, and require too much sacrifice. It’s not hard to imagine why childless people have this perspective when parents circulate these very ideas in jokes about their kids.
Look no further than social media videos of kids throwing tantrums with captions like “Paid 5K to come to Disney World for my kid to act like this,” or pictures of a baby who looks different from her mother captioned, “I gave up my body and my life just for my baby to look like my husband?!” We need to consider the way our jokes and posts can influence people who don’t have kids. The point isn’t to make parenting seem easy and perfect but to demonstrate it can be a great source of joy and blessing, well worth the effort and challenges.
3. Fellow Parents
If we more often shared the joys of parenting with fellow parents rather than only commiserating about the frustrations, perhaps we’d all find more joy in it. It’s a simple concept: how we talk about things influences how we view them. The more we lean into—and remind one another of—the truth from the Lord that children are a blessing (Ps. 127:3–5), that children have value (Matt. 19:14; Ps. 139:13), and that children are a delight (Prov. 29:17), the more we can be joyful in parenting and thankful for our kids, even on days when tantrums are long and tempers are short.
Consider What You Share and Say
Our culture prioritizes ease and comfort, assuming difficulty and discomfort should be avoided whenever possible. But as believers, we know that just because something is hard doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad. The hardship parents face in teaching, correcting, and disciplining is only part of the deeply fulfilling work of raising children.
Just because something is hard doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad.
So let’s think carefully before we post that video of our child disobeying or text that meme complaining about motherhood. When we’re in a situation where parents are mocking their children, let’s pray for the Holy Spirit’s help to steer the conversation toward the blessings and joys our children bring. May our words be less focused on getting a laugh and more focused on giving grace to those who hear (Eph. 4:29).
The Gospel Coalition