I once heard an international church planter inform his team leader he was moving back to America to care for his aging parents. But the response of this usually levelheaded team leader surprised me: “What do you think Jesus meant when he told his followers to let the dead bury the dead?”
I confess, I was a bit offended. Didn’t he understand we’re commanded to honor our father and mother? And yet I know Jesus calls us to forsake all to follow him. Overhearing their conversation, my heart was conflicted with the seemingly competing values in Jesus’s teaching.
In Matthew 15:3–9, Jesus rebukes the scribes and Pharisees for hypocrisy. Through their man-made traditions, they created a religious loophole that allowed their disciples to neglect providing for their parents—a clear violation of God’s commands (Ex. 20:12; cf. Eph. 6:2–3). So Jesus confronts them, challenging their attempts to find a “lawful” way to break God’s law and not honor their father or mother.
On another occasion, Jesus asks a man to follow him. The man agrees but asks to delay so he can care for his family, saying, “Let me first go and bury my father.” Jesus responds, “Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God” (Luke 9:59–60).
How do we reconcile these two accounts? Followers of Jesus are eager to obey all he commands, and they teach others to do the same (Matt. 28:20). But what does it look like to prioritize proclaiming the gospel among the nations and honoring our father and mother?
Considerations for Missions
These are questions nearly every gospel worker must consider. How do we know when we should be overseas with people who need to hear the gospel or when we should be home with family members who need our help? How can we fulfill our God-given responsibilities to both our families and the nations?
As I’ve reflected on this question in my life and from God’s Word, here are five encouragements I’d offer to fellow workers.
1. Set your hands and face toward gospel proclamation.
Failing to provide for one’s immediate family is antithetical to faith in Christ.
As Jesus was finishing his ministry in Galilee and his time on earth was drawing to a close, he “set his face” toward Jerusalem (Luke 9:51–53). Jesus knew what he was sent to do, and he was steadfastly resolute toward that end. Likewise, Jesus says those who choose to follow him shouldn’t put their hand to the plow and look back (v. 62). They should persevere as his disciples. But as God’s people, we’re also called to declare God’s praise among the nations (1 Pet. 2:9–10). That’s our job. Whatever plans or personal responsibilities God has for us, we cannot forsake this responsibility.
2. Involve your church and seek wise counsel.
Proverbs 11:14 tells us a multitude of counselors brings wisdom. But the first time our family moved overseas, we didn’t seek counsel from others. Sure, we talked with many people. But we didn’t ask them to help evaluate our decision. We certainly thought we were getting counsel but, in reality, we basically informed our friends of our plans and asked them to pray. Yet God’s Word teaches a better way (Prov. 1:5). Our church is a gift to help us make wise decisions and avoid potential harm. By not involving them, we missed an opportunity to learn from our brothers and sisters.
After an extended season back in the States, it seemed God was leading us overseas a second time. This time we handled things differently. We needed all the wisdom we could get as we considered our God-given responsibility to care for aging parents. Our pastors, family members, and fellow church members helped us prayerfully evaluate our unique family circumstances and responsibilities and counseled us through deeply personal and emotional family decisions.
3. Don’t neglect your family’s needs.
Failing to provide for one’s immediate family is antithetical to faith in Christ (1 Tim. 5:8). My husband and I don’t believe we should serve overseas and leave dependent children to someone else. Likewise, as our parents age, we work together with our siblings to provide the care they need. God is pleased when children and grandchildren care for the elderly and widows in their family (v. 4).
4. Be creative in caregiving.
Honoring parents looks different from family to family and season to season. My father’s poor eyesight leaves him unable to read his Bible. So even when far away, I plan my weekly schedule around times when I can read the Bible aloud and pray with him over the phone. And I may not live close enough to drop off groceries at my parents’ door, but I can quickly provide necessities through the timely delivery of an Amazon box.
Over the years, we’ve adjusted our budget and calendar around offering them care. We no longer spend three years overseas before visiting home. Instead, we budget and plan so we can be around more often during these precious and fleeting years when Mom and Dad need more help.
5. Be willing and ready to adjust plans.
My husband and I pray that God will allow us to serve overseas for many years. However, we hold these plans loosely and live in ways that would make a pivot possible, if needed. The apostle Paul shifted his plans in major ways during his journeys because he was willing and ready to submit to God’s leading (2 Cor. 1:15–24).
Missions doesn’t always or necessarily mean a lifetime commitment to one place. For our family, this means we commit to overseas ministry just two years at a time. We hope and pray to remain longer, but we’re willing to adjust.
Eyes on Christ
We’ll often face difficult decisions as we seek to honor our father and mother. But these difficult decisions are not unique to those who serve overseas. Whether our parents live across an ocean or across town, we can take comfort in knowing that the responsibilities God gives us in our families will never be at odds with what he wants to do through our vocations and ministries. Jesus’s teaching—and his calling on our lives—will never contradict itself.
We hold these plans loosely and live in ways that would make a pivot possible, if needed.
So as we prayerfully consider each season, we fix our eyes firmly on Christ. In him we find every spiritual blessing (Eph. 1:3). We have his Spirit who grants wisdom, guidance, and understanding. We’re part of a spiritual family that gives us wise counsel and helps us walk faithfully.
Most importantly, through Christ’s sacrifice, we have redemption, mercy, and great hope.
The Gospel Coalition