To the surprise of many, effective leadership goes hand in hand with loving gentleness.
This isn’t a popular trait in our world today. You’ll find plenty of books in the self-help section on how to be more bold, assertive, or proactive. But you’ll struggle to find any designed to teach you to be gentle.
No companies looking for a new CEO have gentleness as their top trait. And if a church advertises that they’ve hired a new senior pastor who’s gentle, people aren’t likely to flock to hear him.
Gentleness Marked the Great Shepherd
Paul believed gentleness matters very much. No doubt part of the reason for this qualification is that this trait marked the Great Shepherd, Jesus himself. Jesus described himself as “gentle and lowly” and declared, “My yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matt. 11:29–30). This image stands in contrast to the bad leaders of Israel who placed a “heavy yoke” on the people (1 Kings 12:4). Jesus isn’t harsh and abusive but patient and kind. He isn’t pugnacious and demanding but long-suffering and humble.
To say Jesus is gentle is to say he’s “not harsh, reactionary, or easily exasperated. He is the most understanding person in the universe.” He doesn’t put burdensome prerequisites or demands on people—heavy yokes. Or, to put it in gospel language, Jesus is full of grace (John 1:14). As for the word “lowly,” it’s essentially the equivalent of humble (cf. James 4:6). Despite Jesus’s glory and grandeur, he doesn’t separate himself from sinners with an air of haughtiness and pride. He doesn’t have bodyguards and private cars but is accessible and relatable. Nothing demonstrates this humbleness better than when he literally dressed as a servant and washed his disciples’ feet (John 13:4–11).
Because of this, we’d be hard-pressed to come up with two words more opposed to the characteristics of a bully pastor, which is precisely why such pastors should be disqualified from ministry. Bully pastors lack gentleness, compassion, and understanding. They put enormous burdens on the backs of people, are hypercritical, and are hardly ever pleased.
Moreover, instead of being humble, abusive pastors are notoriously arrogant, convinced they (and their churches) are truly special. Not all pastors wear their pride on their sleeves. But even if it’s just in their own minds, they genuinely see themselves as above others, which is why they’re unwilling to receive criticism or correction.
Conveniently for us, Paul combined these two qualifications for ministry in a single verse. He wrote, “An overseer, as God’s administrator, must be . . . not arrogant, . . . not a bully” (Titus 1:7, HCSB). It’s almost as if Paul based the qualifications for ministry on Jesus himself.
Despite Jesus’s glory and grandeur, he doesn’t separate himself from sinners with an air of haughtiness and pride. He doesn’t have bodyguards and private cars but is accessible and relatable.
Character Above Giftedness
Just as Paul identified two negative leadership tendencies that often go hand in hand (arrogance and bullying), Peter mentions two more: leading for one’s own gain and leading in a domineering way.
In case after case of spiritual abuse, there’s a pattern of self-protection and self-gain by the abusive pastor. But for most bully pastors, the “gain” they seek is control and power. Sitting at the top of his own little empire is intoxicating—so much so that he won’t let anyone take it away from him without a nasty fight. This was Jesus’s complaint against the abusive leadership of the Pharisees: “They love the place of honor at feasts and the best seats in the synagogues and greetings in the marketplaces” (Matt. 23:6–7).
This first negative quality—doing ministry for one’s own gain—leads to the second. If someone is motivated to protect his power and authority, that naturally leads to being willing to domineer his flock. Peter uses the same Greek word (katakurieuō) that Jesus used in Mark 10:42, which literally means “to lord it over.” Peter, just like Jesus and Paul, recognized some would-be elders are quick to squash and crush those under them. In sum, Peter says that men who are self-seeking and domineering shouldn’t be elders.
But Peter isn’t done. Instead of just mentioning two negative characteristics that disqualify an elder, he also mentions two positive characteristics the elder should have. First, instead of shepherding for his own gain, he should shepherd “eagerly” (prothumōs). This term was historically used to describe civic leaders who sacrificed their time and money for the good of the city they served. So it refers to someone eager to sacrifice his life for the good of others. Or, as the NIV puts it, “eager to serve” (1 Pet. 5:2).
The second positive characteristic is also critical. Instead of domineering others, godly elders lead by “being examples to the flock” (v. 3). Leading by example is the antithesis of leading by force. Rather than intimidating, manipulating, and bullying people, the godly pastor leads by showing the way himself. He doesn’t stand behind the sheep, cracking the whip, but goes before the sheep as an example to follow.
Leading by example is the antithesis of leading by force.
If a pastor is to lead by example, then his primary concern can’t be controlling other people’s behavior. It must be controlling his own. His own holiness is paramount. Thus, Peter is saying the same thing as Paul: character matters more than giftedness.
If a person isn’t gentle and lowly but instead a bully and arrogant, then he shouldn’t be a pastor.
The Gospel Coalition