Bottomless soda. All-night dodgeball. High school students attempting to eat their weight in pizza rolls. All have had a role in youth ministry, but one incredible, often forgotten role is that of parents.
If you’re a young person reading this, you may be tempted to think, Nothing brings an energy-packed youth ministry event to a screeching halt like the invasion of Mom and Dad. If you’re a parent, you may be tempted to think, If I’m part of this student event, all I’ll do is make it lame. Besides, what if my child doesn’t want me to come?
Parents and youth ministers both know youth ministry can’t merely be about what students want; it must give students what they need. What if, far from ruining youth ministry, parents are a secret, indispensable ingredient for its health and success? Here are three reasons why this is the case.
1. Parents are called to disciple their children.
I once heard a misguided youth minister say, “I wish parents would get out of the way and let us do our jobs.” Without parents prioritizing youth ministry and leading in it, doing your job is exceedingly difficult. Let’s not forget what the mission is.
In Deuteronomy 4, Moses warns Israel of the dangers of disobeying their good and gracious God. He says, “Take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children” (Deut. 4:9).
What if, far from ruining youth ministry, parents are a secret, indispensable ingredient for its health and success?
Moses knew God’s people would be tempted to forget how God demonstrated his power, faithfulness, and love to his people. He tells us the path to discipleship is a fight to remember all God revealed about himself. Moses doesn’t only remind Israel who God is but also tells them that the next generation comes to know their Deliverer and Redeemer through the teaching of their parents.
God called the Israelites to multigenerational discipleship. He’s called Christians as well. He gives parents the joy of teaching their children God’s character and paths so they may follow him all their days. As parents pray with and for their children, teach their children the Scripture, and model Christ’s love at home, these expressions of family discipleship shape how their sons and daughters engage in conversations (and accountability) in their small groups on Wednesday night or in evangelism conversations at school.
This isn’t to say youth ministry is only possible through parents. Some kids will need “spiritual parents” to adopt them, and all parents need fellow church members to come alongside them to help. But biblical youth ministry celebrates the God-ordained role of parents as their children’s primary disciple makers. As much as possible, the church is called to follow this biblical pattern.
2. Parents are called to both serve and equip.
Which aspects of youth ministry should parents be involved in? Should they be teaching? Mentoring? Leading discussion groups? Organizing? Leading prayer? Serving as chaperones? Hosting student events in their homes? Driving vans and giving rides? Yes. They should be involved in every part. No one parent can be involved with every aspect of youth ministry, but there’s something amiss if parents aren’t woven into the ministry’s fabric.
Parents should serve students in ministry, but they’re also uniquely positioned to equip their children for ministry to others. Each summer, parents in our church take students on a mission trip. I’ve seen parents teach students to build fences, share the gospel with strangers, share their testimonies, cook for the team, and take ownership of Backyard Bible Clubs. Parents play a key role in mobilizing students for this work of ministry that builds up the church.
Don’t just create a culture where parents are welcome. Create a culture where parents are needed. Your youth ministry and church will be stronger for it.
3. Parents are in it for the long haul.
Discipleship is the goal of youth ministry. Every part must ultimately serve the goal of making lifelong disciples of Jesus, not merely entertaining teens.
Though a parent’s role will change as his children become adults, teens don’t simply graduate from their parents. Godly parents are ready to invest in their kids for the long haul—even into adulthood. As such, they help to give your ministry a long-term perspective.
No one parent can be involved with every aspect of youth ministry, but there’s something amiss if parents aren’t woven into the ministry’s fabric.
I’ve seen moms and dads serve in the church nursery when their kids are infants, lead preschool classes when their kids are toddlers, and teach their kids’ discipleship classes in elementary school. These parents pray daily for their children and have regular conversations about Jesus with them. When their kids become teenagers, these moms and dads are regularly present for youth group events. They give rides, cook food, and lead Bible studies. Over the course of their lives, our students see their parents’ intentional investment in their spiritual formation.
Don’t fail to listen to parents’ perspectives. Build and maintain relationships with them. Invite them over for dinner. Regularly ask them how their family is doing. When parents serve or host events, seek their feedback (by asking or through a survey). Learn how you can better support them in the future. When you listen to parents, your ministry benefits from their long-haul perspective, and you become a support for their long-haul journey as parents.
Our mission as student ministers isn’t to have the best games, the most action-packed events, the best-sounding bands, or a bottomless pizza buffet at every event. Our mission is the discipleship of young men and women who will treasure Christ and lead others to do the same. The Bible first gives this task to parents. So youth ministry should support and champion them. Parents aren’t the antagonists to student ministry; if we prioritize involving them and gaining from their perspectives, they can be catalysts.
The Gospel Coalition