I got married eight months ago. I’d previously been living on the same property as my sister, her husband, and their two young daughters. So the joys of marriage were accompanied by the grief of no longer seeing my family daily. I had a new suburb, a new house, a new family.
I’ve always found change difficult, even when it was for the better. Thankfully, marriage brings many reasons to rejoice. But I’ve still needed to seek the Lord’s help.
Here are four recommendations that can help us process our changing circumstances.
Look Up
Change is jarring when it upends our routines. There might be a new person in our house, or a new house altogether. Our workload might increase, pushing out the time we used to have for rest or seeing friends. Our usual afternoon walk might now take place on unfamiliar streets. We might no longer see or talk to a loved one daily.
But one feature of daily life is secure: Our God remains the same. His character and attributes form a steady rock that gives us stability and peace even when the landscape shifts around us.
One feature of daily life is secure: Our God remains the same.
There’s peace in knowing that God is immutable—he “does not change in any way.” When you feel unsteady, take comfort from James 1:17: “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” Meditate on verses like Psalm 102:25–27, Malachi 3:6, and Hebrews 13:8.
Hymns have comforted me as I’ve adjusted to married life. We sang one of my favorites, “Great Is Thy Faithfulness,” at our wedding, and the truths of its first verse continue to steady me:
Great is thy faithfulness, O God, my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with thee.
Thou changest not, thy compassions, they fail not;
As thou hast been, thou forever wilt be.
Look Back
Of course, marriage isn’t the first change in my life. I’ve grown up through school and university. I’ve had multiple jobs. My parents have moved to a different city. I’ve changed churches. I’ve made friends and lost them. I’ve developed a chronic illness and recovered from it. I’ve entered a relationship for the first time.
Looking back, I see God’s mercies at every turn. He’s provided for my practical, emotional, and spiritual needs. He’s used even the hardest changes to bring me closer to him and to grow me in faith and godliness. I can attest from experience, not just from head knowledge, that “for those who love God all things work together for good” (Rom. 8:28).
Amid change, we should heed God’s commands to his Old Testament people: They were called to remember. Psalm 105 recounts God’s “wondrous works” (vv. 2, 5) for his people throughout generations, particularly in the exodus. They were tasked with teaching others (v. 1) and their children (145:4; Deut. 6:20–25) about God’s faithfulness, which means they had to rehearse this story themselves.
This kind of remembrance fuels our faith too. God has remained faithful in every change in my life so far. He’ll be faithful in this one.
Look Ahead
Each season brings opportunities to experience blessings from God that weren’t available in our previous circumstances. Yet in this fallen world, we’ll never reach full joy. There will always be trade-offs.
By getting married, I gave up daily involvement in my nieces’ lives. But I’ve opened the possibility of having my own children. By moving houses, I gave up the delight of a backyard where I could watch some of my favourite bird species. But I gained a new home with a window over my kitchen sink, way more space than my studio apartment, and delightful new birds. We can celebrate our new mercies even as we grieve former ones.
But one day, we won’t need to compromise. We’ll enter a world of endless delight and joy—no separation from God, no separation from those in Christ whom we love. Endless joy, endless delight, with nothing to mar it. Not having everything I want now is a blessing, because it reminds me this world isn’t my home and sets my heart on the world to come.
Look Around
As we look up and back and ahead, we mustn’t forget to be present where God has us right now. The Bible often commands us to live with a daily posture of gratitude (see Ps. 103:2; Eph. 5:20; Col. 3:17; 1 Thess. 5:18).
In Wendell Berry’s novel Jayber Crow, the titular character moves away from Port William, the town where he’s lived for decades. He chooses this change, but it’s still difficult to leave his home and the people. Yet amid grief, he has a perspective we’d do well to emulate:
Making the garden completed my departure from Port William. At that season I had naturally regretted giving up my garden in town. I had mourned over it, remembering the way the fresh young plants had looked in the long rows behind the shop. They had been art and music to me. But now I planted another garden in another place in a different kind of ground, and expectation pulled my mind away.
Let the expectation of God’s mercies to come pull you away from getting mired in nostalgia or grief. Bring your pain to the Lord, and ask him to show you what gardens are waiting to bloom in your new life.
Let the expectation of God’s mercies to come pull you away from getting mired in nostalgia or grief.
When you doubt that day will ever come, look around at other Christians. Gathering with my congregation each Sunday, I see a widow who lost her husband to cancer at age 42—and who serves faithfully and joyfully in multiple ministries. I see a woman, formerly uninterested in Christianity, who was baptized less than a year after she almost lost her teenage son, a member of our church, to a heart condition. I see men and women who persevere in seeking the Lord through job loss, infertility, and the ordinary but challenging changes of life.
Through all manner of trials and transitions, these believers rely on the Lord’s faithfulness. Be encouraged by his work in others’ lives as you wait for your own flowers to sprout.
In whatever way your world is shifting, keep your eyes on God—the One who never changes, the One who has always been faithful to his people, the One who will bring us safely home, and the One who gives us gifts to enjoy now.
The Gospel Coalition