Parenting has always been hard. Ever since the fall in Genesis 3, kids have grown up in a dangerous, twisted, dark world. The first baby grew up to murder his little brother. And sin has infected children and parenting ever since.
But modern parents seem to be having an especially hard time. The U.S. surgeon general recently released an advisory warning that parental stress is a significant public health concern as 4 in 10 parents say that most days they feel so stressed they can’t function. In The Wall Street Journal’s report on the situation, the headline declares, “Parenting Is Hazardous to Your Health.”
While that headline perhaps overstates the case, this level of stress isn’t something to brush off as a snowflake issue. If we care about children and the general welfare of our society, we ought to be deeply concerned about parents’ mental health. The surgeon general suggests “the American public can do more to support parents and caregivers,” and I’d add that the church, specifically, has an important role to play.
What’s Going On?
What is it about our current cultural moment that makes parents so prone to severe mental health challenges? Certainly, COVID-19 has had far-reaching effects. The rise of technology, increased social pressures to prioritize children’s activities and achievements, and financial stress from high inflation all likely contribute as well. But it’s not as though previous generations didn’t have pressure points. Parents during the Cold War faced a potential nuclear holocaust, after all.
But parents of previous generations seem to have had something our generation lacks. At the same time parental stress has become a public health concern, 40 million Americans have stopped going to church. More American adults today don’t attend church than attend.
At the same time parental stress has become a public health concern, 40 million Americans have stopped going to church.
In a generation that’s more “connected” than ever before by technology, decreasing churchgoing might not seem like a big deal from a secular perspective. But scholarly research has shown church attendance to improve mental and physical health, reduce familial relational stress, and significantly increase altruism and community engagement. So it’s not a stretch to think removing 40 million Americans from regular church attendance would negatively affect our society, perhaps particularly in the parenting realm.
Without the support structures churches have traditionally provided to communities, modern parents are left to navigate parenting challenges by themselves. Instead of receiving meals when a baby is born; attending parenting classes at church; and leaning on the church community for encouragement, advice, and occasional babysitting, moms are watching social media reels about how to handle their screaming toddlers and ordering DoorDash alone.
But the most significant loss of not attending church is that many parents no longer sit under regular Bible teaching. From anxiety over technology and money concerns to stress about discipline and learning disorders, challenges abound. We need the truth of God’s Word to give us hope and peace. And on a deeper level, all parents need Jesus’s life-giving love. When we grasp that the best hope we have for ourselves and our children is faith in Christ, we can breathe a deep sigh of relief knowing it’s not all up to us. When we know the Savior who calls us to cast our cares and anxieties on him, we can stop trying to carry all the burdens ourselves. Parents don’t only need the support of a church community; they need the gospel’s hope week in and week out.
How Should the Church Respond?
Of course, there are no easy answers. To point out ways dechurching may affect parents isn’t to say no other factors matter or to suggest that changes in government policies or community programs would have no effect. But as believers, the potential connection between parenting stress and decreased church attendance should motivate us to respond in several ways.
First, we must reaffirm our commitment to the local church. We should be sobered by the fact that many dechurched people didn’t make a dramatic decision to leave. They just gradually prioritized other things. There are more and more obstacles to faithful church attendance, particularly for families due to the rise of competing commitments like travel sports.
Parents may feel stressed about attending church because it adds another checkbox to the already full to-do list. But the answer to stress and anxiety isn’t skipping church to make space in our busy lives. It’s persevering in our commitment to meet regularly with our brothers and sisters in Christ and sit under the teaching of God’s Word to orient the rest of our lives.
Second, we should consider how to make our churches places where parents can find help and support. Do younger parents have opportunities to be discipled and trained in parenting by more seasoned saints in the model of Titus 2? Do we seek to bear one another’s burdens, particularly the burdens of parenting?
The answer to stress and anxiety isn’t skipping church to make space in our busy lives.
Depending on your church’s resources and capacity, consider offering Sunday school classes, seminars, or small groups on parenting topics from a biblical perspective. These not only serve church members but give them something to invite their friends and neighbors to attend that addresses a felt need.
Third, to have friends to invite, we need to know our neighbors. As individual believers, we can seek to extend hospitality, friendship, support, and care to parents in our neighborhoods, workplaces, and schools. Ask yourself these questions: Whom can I invite for a playdate to foster relationships among parents in my neighborhood? Whom can I take a meal to who’s in a hard parenting season? Who are parents in my workplace that I can pray for and seek to encourage? How can I seek the welfare of those around me by providing some of the care that many dechurched or unchurched parents lack?
Parenting won’t ever be stress-free, but it’s much less stressful when we parent in community and in light of the gospel. The surgeon general has identified a significant need and the church is well-equipped to help meet it. Let’s move toward struggling parents with practical help and the hope of the gospel.
The Gospel Coalition