One warm afternoon in January during my college senior year, I was sitting on a floor in Haiti playing with two adorable twins named Nick and Ella. I’d loved my time with all the children in the orphanage where I volunteered, but these two had become special to me.
It was then I realized: if I’d been a little older and met the qualifications Haiti had in place, I would’ve wanted to adopt these two and bring them home with me. This realization was a significant shift for me. As I grew up, I was quick to say I loved that I was adopted but I’d never adopt. Something had changed.
Why I Didn’t Want to Adopt
There was never a day growing up that I didn’t know I was adopted. My Christian parents taught me to see God’s goodness in my adoption: I knew the way my parents became my parents was special and unique. It was something we celebrated. I remember being thankful my birth mom had decided to carry me and that I was placed with my parents. I was so close to my family that most days I didn’t even think about or remember I was adopted.
Erika with her family in 1989 / Courtesy of Erika Scott
It was the outside world that made it difficult for me. It was hard to hear stories of the adoptions that hadn’t worked out and not let them affect me. A part of me was always afraid I’d be taken away or separated from my parents. There were also comments from classmates, who’d say things like “So your parents aren’t your real parents?”
I knew my parents were my parents, but it was still hard as a child to hear those comments or questions. Then there were the occasional medical questions that arose because I didn’t know much about my genetic history.
I always said I was so thankful to be adopted, but I never wanted my children to feel these things. I said I’d never adopt.
How My Parents Changed My Mind
When I sat on that orphanage floor and discovered I was open to adoption, it caught me by surprise. But as I thought about it during the rest of my time in Haiti, I realized I could change my mind because of the foundation and perspective my parents had given me. Because of them, I had learned to thank God for the way he had directed my life.
Erika and her family at her brother’s adoption hearing in 1984 / Courtesy of Erika Scott
My parents’ consistent openness about and encouragement of adoption throughout my childhood had led me to understand that the beauty of adoption far outweighs the negative feelings that occasionally can arise.
The most important thing my parents did for me was to have adoption be part of my story from the beginning. There was never a big sit-down moment where my adoption was revealed. The conversation started as soon as I was placed with them, even before I could understand. They talked about my adoption as unique, special, and a blessing. This helped me view my story positively. I had only appreciation and gratitude that my birth parents decided to have me and make the difficult decision to give me up.
Different Kids, Different Needs
My younger brother is also adopted. When we were younger, we had different needs when it came to discussing our adoptions. My brother would often ask questions or want to discuss his adoption at the dinner table or during other family times. I didn’t often want to discuss it. I was so close to my family, and I wanted to focus on that.
My parents didn’t push me. They provided my brother and me with the support we both needed. They gave him a listening ear and allowed him to ask questions. They gave me time to grow and process things, while always being willing to talk when I was ready.
All these things helped me to establish a positive perspective of adoption and our family.
Ready for Children
More than 20 years after that trip to Haiti, I’m newly married and ready to start a family. Since my husband and I didn’t meet until later in life, and because I struggle with some health issues, we weren’t sure if we’d be able to have kids naturally.
Before we were married, we discussed all our options for starting a family. During our discussion, it hit me how open and excited I was about the possibility of adopting, which was so different from the view I had of adoption as a child.
I’m currently pregnant and expecting my first child in three months. However, adoption is still a possibility in the future, and I’m thankful I’m open to exploring this gift.
The Gospel Coalition