Four years ago, my husband and I began planting a church in Greenville, North Carolina. Our eyes were bright with optimism for how God would work. Along the way, those eyes have grown wiser for what they’ve seen—what God has done in our city and our church plant but also what he’s done in our home and our hearts. My experience as a church-planting wife has challenged and shaped me in more ways than I can count, but I’d like to believe my eyes still hold that same joy and expectancy.
This is due in large part to the relationships I have with other church-planting wives through a family of church plants connected to our sending church. I have the privilege of befriending these wives, often doing ministry side by side with them, and learning from their deep wells of wisdom. But not everyone has this support, so I asked these women what advice they’d give to a new church-planting wife. Here are four encouragements.
1. Church planting may not be what you expected, but God has prepared you for it.
Church plants have unique needs in the earliest stages of growth. I’ve often joked that during my seminary days, I envisioned using my Greek and Hebrew training much more than I do (which is nearly never). Do you know what church plants don’t often need? Someone to parse Hebrew verbs. But do you know what church plants nearly always need? Someone to clean the toilets.
They rarely have the staffing power of established churches, but church plants still need someone to buy coffee supplies, print the kids’ coloring sheets, and take out the trash. Though church plants and the staff that run them are significantly smaller than many established churches, the weekly tasks of set up, tear down, cleaning, printing, and administration don’t scale in proportion.
Even though church-planting ministry may not be what we expected, we can trust that God has prepared us for it. I’ve seen time and again the truth of Ephesians 2:10 in my life: “We are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
The job I had in property management (much to my chagrin) after seminary prepared me to be a competent contract reader, helping our church plant secure our first rental space. My next job in administration gave me skills that made me a better communicator and equipped me to empower our volunteers. The marketing job I worked for just one year gave me the skills to run our church’s social media page. God uniquely equips us for the work he gives us to do in church planting.
Even though church-planting ministry may not be what we expected, we can trust that God has prepared us for it.
2. You’ll find your place to serve, but not all the church’s needs are your responsibility.
You may feel like all the needs are your responsibility by default as the pastor’s wife. But they’re not. Pray about where you’ll serve in the church plant. Ask the Lord to direct your service and your energy in the places he’d have you serve. Consider how he has wired you and the spiritual gifts he has entrusted to you. Listen to the Spirit, talk with your husband, and then joyfully serve in those places.
If we impulsively take on any and every task that arises, we can lose sight of who we’re serving in the church. When we say yes to satisfy people’s requests and expectations and the ministry is hard, we’re more prone to bitterness and resentment—and our ministry has less longevity. But if we say yes to answering God’s call on our lives and the ministry is hard, we can come to him with open hands and confess our weakness, asking for his sustaining grace to fuel the ministry he has called us to.
God-focused ministry is sustainable for the long haul as we trust the Lord is true to his Word: “He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it” (1 Thess. 5:24).
3. Creating culture is essential, both in your church and in your marriage.
Church planters are tasked with establishing the church culture. You’re asking and answering many questions: How will we welcome newcomers? What kind of ministry do we have to children? What’s the tone or environment of our worship together (casual, formal, enthusiastic, somber)? How do we speak of other churches in our community? How do we speak to each other—or of each other? How do we engage discipleship? All these questions are about the culture of your church, and how you answer them is important.
When we were beginning our church-planting journey, our sending church pastor invited my husband and me into a discernment process about establishing culture. Initially, I thought he was talking about the culture of the future church plant, but I was pleasantly surprised when he invited us to consider the culture of our marriage in church planting.
In these important conversations, we discussed practical aspects of the ministry God was calling us to together. We asked good questions about whether or not we’d both be on staff or if only he would. We discussed how we’d navigate meeting new families who were interested in learning more—would we have them over for dinner in our home, or would my husband meet with them at a coffee shop?
These questions laid the foundation for how we minister together, taking into consideration in advance the things God has called us to, the needs of our family, the tasks of church planting, and more. As you start out, ask thoughtful questions about the culture of your marriage and how it relates to the culture of your church plant.
4. Your husband is God’s to protect.
One of the most formative aspects of church planting for my spiritual life has been entrusting my husband’s heart to the Lord. Since he’s the only pastor in our church plant, every difficult conversation was his to address. Every person who wanted to ask theological questions was his to answer. Every person who left the church was his to shepherd. Though we had overseeing elders from our sending church, so much of the ministry was on his plate until elders were installed in our church plant, and I desperately wanted to protect him from hurt.
You may feel like all the needs are your responsibility by default as the pastor’s wife. But they’re not.
But I couldn’t. And as God pried my fingers open in surrender, he reminded me he has always been the one protecting and keeping my husband. It was then that I clung to Paul’s words in Ephesians 6:10: “Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might” (emphasis mine). God has powerfully kept and sustained my husband in every season, by the power of his Spirit.
There’s nothing quite like church planting. It’s a joyful task and a serious calling. To wives partnering with your husbands in this holy work, please rest in this truth: “The Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one” (2 Thess. 3:3).
The Gospel Coalition