Sometimes I hear parents say, “I’ve lost my child to her phone. She’s a different person.” It’s the same sentiment you may hear from a spouse who says, “I’ve lost my husband to the bottle.”
What makes these experiences so similar? And what does that teach us about how to address them?
Under the Influence
With both liquor and a phone, an external influence exerts itself on an individual. In the case of hard alcohol, the substance is often referred to as a “spirit.” There’s a long, mysterious history as to why and when people first started referring to distilled alcohol by this term, but the language we’ve chosen is hauntingly accurate.
I hear parents say, ‘I’ve lost my child to her phone. She’s a different person.’ It’s the same sentiment you may hear from a spouse who says, ‘I’ve lost my husband to the bottle.’
When someone drinks too much, the spirit alters his behavior. If used in moderation, the effects wear off quickly, and he can return to his usual self within hours. But what happens when a spirit is invited in again and again, day after day and year after year? It’s as if the spirit takes permanent residency in a person. It molds and shapes him to such a degree that you’ll hear a loved one say, “That’s not the person I knew.”
At first, you abuse the spirit. Then, in a sinister exchange, the spirit begins to abuse you.
Like an unclean spirit tormenting its prisoner, it so warps an individual over time that his or her new character is unrecognizable. Observations like this can be made about nearly all addictions. We let something in, and slowly but surely, it changes us.
Danger Crept In
Our digital age has given rise to a world in which we openly invite all sorts of potentially harmful devices into our homes. Good parents have a watchful eye out for addictive and harmful substances, but when it comes to technology, we’ve been less aware. Many dangers have crept in as a result. It’s easy to see how. Most parents saw digital devices as tools to be used to help their children flourish in a new technological world.
At first, we may not have known any better, but the research is clear now. We have no excuse. Screens and social media are highly addictive and behavior-altering. Our kids are more disconnected, more miserable, and lonelier than ever before. Like most addictive substances, devices promise joy but often bring misery.
What Now?
So what should we do? We mustn’t let the spirit of the digital age control us or our children.
With traditional harmful substances like alcohol, wise people understand moderation and boundaries. Parents and laws limit access. We should do the same for these new addictive technologies, putting clear boundaries in place that regulate digital consumption and limit access. We can’t trust children to do this for themselves. It’s too dangerous, and the cost is too high. We must teach them to use technology as a tool, otherwise it’ll end up using them.
Like most addictive substances, devices promise joy, but often bring misery.
What practical steps can we take as parents? The legal drinking age in the U.S. is 21. The Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) restricts social media use for children under 13, but the mechanics of the law’s implementation are ineffective. So, the responsibility falls to parents. Parents can use wisdom to decide for their children, but I’d suggest children under 16 shouldn’t be using social media.
Just as responsible adults might set two glasses of wine as their drinking limit, it’s best for both kids and adults to limit the time they spend on screens. I’d suggest an hour or two per day at most for children. Implementing other strategies (like only using screens in open areas of the home) from resources like Andy Crouch’s The Tech-Wise Family can help parents train their children to flourish in the digital age. To form healthier habits, you don’t have to go from all to nothing overnight. Intentionally implementing these preventative ideas one at a time can help to loosen the pull that addictive digital technologies have on your children.
In Times of Desperation
But perhaps you’re desperately thinking, It’s too late! My child’s addiction to digital technology has already severely impaired his ability to function well in school, sports, and family relationships. If that’s you, stay strong but take immediate steps. Begin a digital detox for your child: a set time when your family significantly reduces, or even eliminates, your screen time. Think of it as a 30-day clean-eating challenge for the digital content you and your child consume. The organization Screen Strong offers an excellent 30-day plan to help your family implement a full detox from digital technology.
The point in all these encouragements is that proactive steps must be taken to reduce digital consumption. Know that with bold intentionality, progress can be made over time. With Christ’s help, the digital spirit’s influence over your children can weaken.
Fill Up on the Spirit
Paul warns the church of Ephesus to “not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit” (Eph. 5:18). Likewise, today we mustn’t allow intoxication with digital spirits to capture our families. We must put off the patterns of this world and put on Jesus Christ.
Our bodies are temples, and God the Father, through the work of his Son, has filled us with his Spirit. Christ died, rose, ascended, and has empowered us with his presence to live faithfully in this present digital age. So develop a pattern of restricting and replacing; exchange the life-draining with the life-giving. Make no provision for the flesh to gratify its desires, but rather put on Christ (Rom. 13:14).
Develop a pattern of restricting and replacing; exchange the life-draining with the life-giving.
Put down the phone, log off social media, and turn off the TV. Eat as a family around the table, sing a hymn, and pray the Lord’s Prayer before you eat. Don’t go to bed with the glow of pixels but with the light of God’s Word. Remember, your children are always watching, and they’ll adopt your patterns of behavior.
Is technology bad? Of course not. It can accomplish much good. But it can do much harm as well. The Bible speaks of wine as a blessing, but it also gives grave warnings about overusing it. We must, with wisdom and faithfulness, navigate the dangerous waters of the digital age lest we and our children become lost in that addictive sea.
The Gospel Coalition