At church, I’m often asked about the baby: When’s the due date? Am I excited? How is Bethany feeling about becoming a big sister? Their smiles show they share my family’s excitement.
No, I’m not pregnant—but my sister is.
Even in modern Western culture, where extended families aren’t as intertwined as in other societies, it’s considered natural that aunts and uncles share in the joy of our siblings’ children in greater measure than those outside the family. If you have nieces or nephews, you’ve likely tasted that delight.
Yet being an aunt or uncle is about more than just feeling affection for a tiny person and sneaking her bits of chocolate (though it’s not less than that). As Christians, how should we think about this calling?
Tell the Coming Generation
Parents have the daunting responsibility of bringing their children up to know the Lord (e.g., Prov. 22:6; Eph. 6:4). In the Old Testament, knowledge of God was passed down from one generation to the next through families teaching about him (Deut. 6:6–7). Psalm 78 recounts the disaster that came upon the Israelites because they forgot the Lord, and it reaffirms the importance of telling “to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the LORD” (v. 4).
There’s no verse commanding believers to disciple their nieces and nephews, but it makes sense for those who have the relational closeness and extended time together that families often enjoy to play a pivotal role in teaching the next generation. Parents may have chief responsibility, but they don’t teach their children about God alone.
Ways to Support
The practical ways you support your nieces and nephews in their spiritual growth will vary depending on your situation and theirs. But here are four ideas.
1. Pray regularly.
The most effective way we can serve our nieces and nephews is by praying for them. But it can be hard to know how to pray, especially if you live far from them and don’t see their day-to-day needs. Their parents will know, so ask them regularly. It’ll strengthen and encourage your siblings to know they’re not carrying the burden of prayer for their children alone.
To enrich my prayers, I keep handy a copy of Melissa Kruger’s 5 Things to Pray for Your Kids. I’ve put the names of each of my nieces and my nephew on Post-it flags throughout the book, and I pray for one child each day.
2. Be available.
With everything clamoring for our attention in this busy world, it can be hard to get regular quality time with your nieces and nephews, especially if you have many of them or they don’t live nearby (or if you have children of your own).
Parents may have chief responsibility, but they don’t teach their children about God alone.
My friend Kim is one of the most committed aunties I know, and her advice is to be the person that listens. Take interest in what they’re interested in—if you don’t know what they’re talking about, Google it. If they talk to you about their struggles, listen without judgment and take the opportunity to pray with them in the moment.
Don’t feel like you’re failing as an aunt or uncle if you’re not the number one confidante for each child. But if you do want a relationship where they turn to you in times of confusion or difficulty—and if that’s feasible in your circumstances—it takes intentional, regular effort.
How could you structure your life to facilitate regular time together? You might schedule a weekly or monthly dinner. Or budget to visit far-away family once or twice a year. Or start a tradition of taking each niece and nephew somewhere fun around his or her birthday for one-on-one time.
Consider the needs and preferences of the individual child. My oldest niece would be horrified if I called her out of the blue to chat. But she’d appreciate a written note or together doing an activity she enjoys. If your siblings don’t follow Jesus, you may want to pour more time into their kids who don’t have other Christian influences around them.
3. Help cultivate faith and godliness.
Parents need help from others as they disciple their kids, and this is an opportunity for aunts and uncles. Children may be more receptive to hearing biblical truth and wisdom from you than from their parents, especially as they grow older.
Read the Bible with them, along with excellent Christ-centered books, if you have the opportunity. Find out from your siblings what they’re teaching or reading as a family and ask the kids thoughtful questions about it. Ask them what they’re learning in Sunday school or if they’ve made any friends at church. When they come to visit you, take them to your church with you, even if that means other fun weekend activities need to wait.
Even if you live far away, there are creative ways you can support the spiritual growth of your nieces and nephews. If you’re praying they’d grow in generosity, you could give (or mail) them two $5 bills—one to spend on themselves and one to give away. That provides an opportunity for their parents to talk through their choice of cause and helps the kids experience the joy of giving.
4. Support their parents.
Investing in the life and faith of your siblings will have an outsize effect on their children. Little ones learn about God from the way their parents speak and live.
Investing in the life and faith of your siblings will have an outsize effect on their children.
How could you help your siblings to grow spiritually? Could you watch the kids for an hour so your sister can spend time in Bible reading and prayer? If you’ve got more disposable income than your brother who’s supporting five kids, could you be a steady source of good Christian books or the one who pays for him to attend a Christian conference occasionally? If your siblings are believers, could you look for ways to talk to them about Christ?
Ask the Lord to provide all that your siblings need to raise their children in the Lord, and be open to any practical ways you could help them do so.
When my new niece arrives in the coming days or weeks, I’ll enjoy newborn cuddles, examining her tiny fingers, and constantly exclaiming about how cute she is. But I’ll also pray that God will show me how to nurture her faith as she grows, that she might one day tell the next generation of the deeds of the Lord.
The Gospel Coalition