Have you ever felt like prayer is as elusive as losing weight or getting in shape? You know it’s good for you, you know you should do it, but somehow the motivation to bend your knees, clasp your hands, and close your eyes is as elusive as Waldo. Frustrating, isn’t it?
But here’s the thing: You already know how to pray. You could stop reading right now and start praying. It’s that simple. So why are you here? It’s not that you don’t know how to pray. It’s that you don’t want to pray. You’re not alone in feeling this way.
In his insightful book, “When You Pray… and Nothing Happens,” Maurice Berquist likened prayer to a man’s shadow.[1] If he runs after it to capture it, it flees. If he runs from it to escape, it follows. The more we resist prayer, the more we need it. This is not just a spiritual need; it’s a deep natural longing within our hearts. You want to want to pray.
You typed “struggling to pray” into Google. Did you see the results? Over ninety-seven million search results! It’s clear that other Christians have grappled with these same challenges. But your search for answers ends here. Overcoming prayerlessness takes time, but you can do it, and you will.
Let’s explore why you’re not praying as you should and conquer these obstacles together. This article addresses your struggle with prayer, debunks misconceptions, tackles distractions, and redefines how you view abundance. Buckle up and get ready to unlock the full potential of your prayer life. Let’s do this.
Reason 1: Your To-Do Prayer Model
You heard the preacher. Wake up at 4 o’clock every morning and pray at least for two hours… before breakfast. Then the windows of heaven will open and pour blessings abundantly in your life. The intent might be good, to exhort you not to give up on prayer. . .
But the only motivation you got was to give up. This guy doesn’t know you’re an atheist before coffee! When it comes to prayer, many of us hold onto the misconception that it must be rigid, strict, and time bound.
We think that unless we adhere to a specific structure or devote lengthy sessions to prayer, our efforts are in vain or they aren’t good enough.
Maybe you’re not struggling with prayer. It might be that your lack of motivation to pray is because of the model of prayer you expect should be done. You have heard that God must be first in all things. Right after opening your eyes in the morning, you should pray. And then go on with your life.
But that’s a priority list, a to-do list. Surely prayer is a divine command. Surely Christians ought to pray. But what if I told you that spontaneous and authentic prayer can open doors to a deeper sense of connection, increased joy, and a renewed passion for prayer?
The Centripetal Model of Prayer
Prayer bursts are short and heartfelt prayers sprinkled throughout your day. The idea is to foster a continuous conversation with God. We are not commanded to be praying machines, but to live-in prayer. What’s the difference?
The approach is different. Look at it this way. Think about our solar system. The sun attracts the other planets to itself. God is our sun. The planets are our life’s spheres. Family, profession, marriage, financial, social, physical, ludic and spiritual. Everything we do must be done with Him at the center. With Him in mind. How does this look like?
Simple. You constantly talk to God in everything you do or plan to do. When you wake up in the morning and pray “Thanks God for another day. Another day where I have health, a home, my family, a job, and food”. Or while you’re driving to the store “Protect me and others, God, from any accident on the road”.
Or while in work with the difficult coworker “God, give me love, don’t give me strength because if you do, I’ll get locked up”. All those things are prayers.
“Aren’t these like lazy prayers?”
It’s a valid concern but this is what praying “without ceasing” means in 1 Thessalonians 5:17.[2] This isn’t praying 24/7. It’s an invitation to cultivate a rhythm of constant communication with God, not confined to structured sessions but interwoven seamlessly into every moment. And even if they were lazy prayers (and they aren’t) it’s better than no prayer at all.
You don’t need to rely on elaborate KJV words or a specific posture. It’s about the authenticity of your heart’s cry, your genuine desire to connect with God in real-time. Your life is constantly orbiting around the Sun of Justice, the Almighty God. Addressing objections, some may argue that sporadic prayer lacks depth and discipline. But here’s the beauty of it: the power lies in the consistency of the conversation rather than the rigid adherence to a schedule.
By embracing this approach, you’ll discover a remarkable intimacy and connection with God that will reshape your prayer experience. This is not an “either-or” though. You still need to have some time alone with God.
Reason 2: Distractions and Busy Schedules
Picture this: You find yourself sitting in your prayer corner, but your mind is a whirlwind of distractions. Social media notifications beckon, and the latest binge-worthy series calls your name. You throw your phone away to avoid temptation. Someone is knocking on the door. It’s your child. She wants you to tickle her. . . again. . . for the fourth time. Your spouse reminds you from the living room that you need to go to the grocery store or there’s going to be cereal for dinner.
“I can’t God. We will talk another time. Sorry.” Another day goes by without God hearing your voice. It’s tough to focus. I get it.
The Hard Pill to Swallow About Distractions and Busy Schedules
You don’t desire to pray because you don’t desire God.
And you know why you don’t desire God? Because you don’t know God enough. I’m sorry if this seems offensive to you who has been a Christian probably for more years than I. Nevertheless, it’s the truth.
How do I know? Because when you make the small effort to pray, you go back to your bad habits (go to social media, watch some YouTube videos, talk with someone else, etc.). These other less important (and many times more damaging) activities are more desirable than God, because you know them well and, in some way, or form gives you what you want almost instantly. You don’t desire what you don’t know or know well.
Don’t Pray to Pray
If you desire to pray, you must desire God and to desire God you must desire His Word. Praying for praying is just meditating. As John Onwuchekwa put it,
If God reveals himself so that we might know him, then one primary way to fuel prayer is by immersing ourselves in the Bible. As we reflect on the character of God, the work of Christ, and the promises of the gospel, God will increase our desire to know him more and thus pursue him more through prayer.[3]
But as I mentioned before, this is a heart issue, not just an intellectual issue. Many atheists and agnostics know this, and this doesn’t bring them to their knees.
You must connect with God intellectually and emotionally.
Let me share my personal story that may resonate with you. I’ve been a Christian for as long as I can remember, but I confess that I’ve often found myself lacking a truly transformative prayer life. Even when I had the time, I couldn’t seem to muster the desire to engage in prayer consistently.
It wasn’t because of work or any external obligations — it was an internal struggle. As I reflected on my life, I realized the weight of responsibility that lay upon my shoulders. I had been married for eight years to an amazing woman, and we were blessed with a beautiful and loving four-year-old daughter. It became clear to me that as the head of the household, I needed to be the spiritual shepherd of my family, the priest in my own home.
I couldn’t ignore the fact that I had been silently hypocritical, longing for my wife to pray more while rarely demonstrating it myself. I carried a burden of guilt for allowing my child to indulge in late-night TV binges without incorporating Scripture reading and bedtime prayer into her routine. If I truly wanted them to develop a vibrant prayer life, I needed to show them the way through my own example. It was at this realization that my perspective shifted.
I understood the profound impact my role as a man of God and a loving father could have on my family. I recognized the need to lead by example, to demonstrate what it means to be deeply connected to God through prayer.
My desire to see them grow spiritually ignited a renewed passion within me to pursue a consistent and meaningful prayer life. If you are married and have kids, this might be what emotionally connects you with God.
If you are not connecting with God, then think carefully on what can assist you emotionally to start. Get inspired by contemplating God’s creation. Remember the things you asked God for and now you have. Specially reflect on the eternal salvation you have been given. [Editor’s Note: Or just try exercise your God-given spiritual gifts – teaching, acts of service, mercy, etc. – and see how that step of obedience helps revives your passion for God].
Practical ways to start a praying habit
The following are some ways you can start this prayer journey.
Create a Sacred Space: It could be a cozy corner in your home, a serene garden nook, or even a quiet park bench. Make it your personal sanctuary! If you have kids and a spouse, let them know that for a specific time, you won’t be available. Be serious, this time is not negotiable. Light a candle, play soft instrumental music, or engage in deep breathing exercises to help calm your spirit and set the mood for prayer. Establish a consistent routine that signals your mind and body that it’s prayer time.
Pray the Bible: Not enough inspiration for what to pray? Pray for your prayerlessness. Also, pray the Bible. Get your Bible. Read the Psalms and pray whatever you’re reading that connects with you. Do it for 7 days in a row in less than 10 minutes each day. You will be amazed at how these prayer-times compound and your soul start longing for more. If you want to know more I recommend the book Praying the Bible by Donald S. Whitney.[4]
Master Time Management: Take a good, hard look at your day and spot those time-sucking activities that can be trimmed or tossed out. Maybe cut back on that mindless TV binge or endless scrolling through the ‘gram. Use that saved time to dive into prayer and dig into the Word. Make prayer a non-negotiable priority in your life.
Rise and Shine (or Stay Up Late): Jesus knew the power of the early bird routine. So, consider setting that alarm a tad earlier or staying up a bit later to claim your alone time with God. Sacrificing some z’s shows your commitment to seeking God.
Find Prayer Partners (or Pray with God’s People): Don’t go at it alone. Connect with like-minded brothers (or sisters) who are also craving that alone time with God. Join a prayer group or find a buddy who’s down to hold you accountable. Having someone that’s got your back and cheers you on can make all the difference. Plus, you can share your struggles and victories along the way. Also, go to your Church prayer meetings (For more on practical ways the church can help in your desire to pray, get the small, but helpful book What if I don’t desire to pray?)[5]
Remember, it’s not just about asking for stuff. Don’t approach prayer like a child bringing a list to Santa. There are other types of prayers like Celebration, Resignation, Obedience, Repetition, Forgiveness, Guidance, Justice and Contemplation.
Remember, it’s not just about asking for stuff. Don’t approach prayer like a child bringing a list to Santa. There are other types of prayers like Celebration, Resignation, Obedience, Repetition, Forgiveness, Guidance, Justice and Contemplation.
Only asking and asking means that you value more what God does than what God is. Now, there are definitely some intellectual roadblocks that can frustrate your yearning for prayer.
Reason 3: “I think, therefore I don’t pray.”
You find yourself standing at the crossroads of doubt and faith, grappling with the philosophical struggles surrounding prayer. Maybe you are thinking
“Why should I pray to a mind reader?”
“Is prayer just a waste of time? Does it really do anything or bring any results?”
“Isn’t prayer just about being selfish and asking for personal blessings? Is it all about “me, me, me”?
You’re not alone; countless believers have faced these perplexing questions, like navigating a labyrinth of skepticism.
While these objections against prayer may seem daunting, they are not insurmountable cliffs that forever separate you from a meaningful prayer life. Let’s explore some of these challenges together and find the light of understanding amidst the shadows of doubt.
The Illogic of Prayer Problem
Why should I pray to an omniscient being that already knows everything about me (past, present and future)? There’s no new information I can provide to him. Therefore, prayer can’t change God’s mind or any event.
Christian philosopher William L. Craig has a great response for this,
“We should not think of prayer as changing God’s mind or changing events. God knows from eternity everything that will transpire in time, so that prayers do not literally change anything. For God’s foreknowledge already takes our prayers into account. God’s foreknowledge is chronologically prior to the prayers we offer, but the prayers are logically prior to what God foreknows. If we were to pray differently or fail to pray, God would not be caught by surprise but have already factored that into His providential plan.”
Dr. Craig makes 3 distinctions on how God brought about answers to prayers. One is resorting to supernatural intervention and the other two using natural and ordinary causes.
[blockquote] “[I]n between events brought about by God’s extraordinary providence (miraculous interventions) and events brought about by His ordinary providence (events which regularly occur as products of purely natural causes) there is a third category, which we may call God’s special providence, namely, events which are the result of purely natural causes but which are unusual in terms of their special timing and context. For example, if just as George Muller is giving thanks for God’s provision of daily bread for his orphanage, knowing all the while they have no food, and at that moment a bakery truck breaks down outside in the street and gives all its provisions to the orphanage, then we may regard this as an answer to prayer, even if there are wholly natural causes of the truck’s breakdown at just that place and time. It’s a special providence of God, prearranged in answer to Muller’s prayer.”
The Conflict-Of-Interest Objection
Two believers pray. One wants rain for his crops, or they will die and the other prays for no rain, so his clays utensils harden and he can sell it for much needed profit. Which one God will respond? James Hasting has a great response to this objection
“If God should think fit to grant a large proportion of the particular requests which would be found among the daily prayers of an earnest Christian, He would not, to say the least, thereby do any injury to others, whether they were Christians or not. Prayer for the highest well-being of any human being may be granted without damaging other human beings. If God should condescend in answer to prayer to teach one of His servants more humility, purity, or love, this would not oblige Him to withdraw spiritual graces from any others in order to do it. Nor are other persons the worse for coming into contact with one whom God has made loving, or pure, or humble, in answer to prayer. Is it not near the truth to say that they are likely to be much better, and therefore that a large number of answers to prayer for personal blessings necessarily extend in their effects beyond those who are immediately blessed?”[6]
Hasting states that our prayers for specific blessings must meet three conditions given in the Lord’s Prayer:
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom comes.
Thy will be done.
If a petition for a specific blessing obscure God’s holiness or glory, hinders the advance of His kingdom and or contravene His will, we must accept the rejection of such petition. Of course, this can be astronomically complicated with billions of people praying (or not praying) for many things for whatever reasons and intentions. Only an omniscient and just God can sort things out justly. Thus, our prayers should always end with “Your will be done”.
The Problem of Unanswered Prayers
The anguish of prayer. Isn’t that right? We’ve all had moments when we prayed fervently for something, but it seemed like our prayers fell on deaf ears. This can lead to doubts and frustrations, making it hard to maintain the desire to pray.
You can feel the psalmist pain about this in Psalm 22:1–2 (echoed later by Jesus himself at the cross),
”My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer,
and by night, but I find no rest.”
It’s a tough pill to swallow when we pour out our hearts to God, only to be met with silence. I know this is a cliché answer, but nevertheless true. His timing and ways are often beyond our comprehension. Sometimes, what we perceive as an unanswered prayer is actually God redirecting us towards something greater or protecting us from harm we can’t foresee.
When you are met with silence find solace and hope in verses 3–5.
”Yet you are holy,
enthroned on the praises of Israel.
4 In you our fathers trusted;
they trusted, and you delivered them.
5 To you they cried and were rescued;
in you they trusted and were not put to shame” (Psalm 22:3-5).
Reflect on God’s holiness and how he delivered his people in the past and present.
Peace: The End of Prayer’s Path
The Bible encourages us in Philippians 4:6–7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Notice the following: We are encouraged to not be anxious but with a thanksgiving heart, made the request to God and God will give you what you desired… Wait… That’s not what it says! It says that the peace of God will guard your heart and your minds in Christ.
Peace will fill your heart and mind but it will be in Christ. Meaning, that your mind and Christ’s mind will be align in whatever outcome the answer might be.
John Onwuchekwa writes,
“If this is true, then not desiring to pray is really a secondary problem. Prayer isn’t the destination, it’s the pathway. It’s the track, not the finish line. Prayer isn’t the living water that refreshes a parched soul, it’s the straw. When we don’t pray, we’re not just forsaking some obligation that God has for us; we’re forfeiting the peace we all want.”[7]
The Personal Insignificance Objection
In the grand scheme of things, we may sometimes feel small and insignificant. We wonder, does God really care about my individual prayers and needs? With billions of people in the world, why would He pay attention to me? Let’s read it from the writing of the psalmist.
“When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
and the son of man that you care for him?” (Ps 8:3–4).
The answer lies in the following verses (5–6),
“Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet” (Ps. 8:5-6).
The key word here is dominion. Humans were created in the image of God; with the capacity of rationality, will, emotions and ruling over the earth. In a sense, when God see us, he sees Himself. How will he not attend to Himself? How will he not attend to his sons? God is not overwhelmed or limited by the number of prayers He receives. He’s all-knowing and ever-present, capable of attending to the individual needs of each person who comes to Him in faith.
Jesus Himself assures us in Matthew 10:29–31, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”
You are not insignificant. Not at all.
Reason 4: You’re filthy rich
This reason is not for the top 1% only. It goes even for you that makes less than 50k yearly with all your loans and credit cards at top. A study in 2019 shows that the poorest 20% of Americans are richer on average than most European nations.
You have a roof over your head. Food on the table every day. A car (or two). Clothes. And some spare change to do whatever you want. Money can bring the best, or worst, out of us.
Putting your faith in your wealth is a powerful reason not to pray. You feel powerful. Self-sufficient. Independent. Strong. Prideful. People get more forgetful than Dori after receiving material blessings.
That’s why the author of Proverbs says,
“Remove far from me vanity and lies: give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me: 9 Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is the Lord? or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God in vain” (Proverbs 30.8–9).
Job was a ridiculously wealthy God-fearing man who was deemed perfect and upright by God. And he said,
”If I have made gold my hope,
Or have said to the fine gold, Thou art my confidence;
25 If I rejoiced because my wealth was great,
And because mine hand had gotten much; […]
28 This also were an iniquity to be punished by the judge:
For I should have denied the God that is above” (Job 31:24–25, 28).
Being wealthy is not a sin. Love of money is. In fact, Scriptures unapologetically gives wisdom on how to bring about wealthiness: with diligent hands (Proverbs 10:4; 12:11) and not with a lying tongue (Proverbs 21:6) or through deceptive wages (Proverbs 11:18).
Wealth gained honestly and with hard work is gift from the Lord (Eccl. 5:18-20). If this is the reason you have greatly diminished your time in prayer with God, do this:
Don’t make riches the center of your life (Ps. 62:10) or you will fall (Prov. 11”28). You will not descend with your glory to the earth (Ps. 49:16–20). Be content with what you have. Craving money will pierce you through many pangs (1 Tim. 6:6–10).
Do not be high-minded. Even if you acquired wealth honestly and honorably, always put your faith in God, who provides with everything for us to enjoy (1 Tim. 6:17). Be humble. Even boastful if you lose it all (James 1:10–11).
Be Generous: (This is the practical one) Enjoy money with friends and families and give joyfully (2 Cor. 9:7) and generously to others (Pr. 11:24–25), especially the poor (Ps. 41:1). Give generously to your church and their programs. Look for nonprofit organizations that connects deeply with you. For example, you can support a native missionary where the Church is persecuted through Gospel Commission Partners. For $50 monthly you can give a family food on their table for a month (I don’t receive any compensation for advertising this organization).
Don’t let money be your Master(card). Put your faith in God only (Mt. 6.24).
Reason 5: Shame and Guilt
Another powerful reason you might lack the desire to pray is because you feel like a failure after sinning. And why not? You have sinned countless times for months . . . no . . . for years! It’s a preposterous thing to draw close to the Holy God and direct some words to Him after getting all filthy with sin. “If I were God, I’ll definitely ignore me.” (You think this too, don’t cha?) You feel so much shame, so much guilt about failing God so many times that its simply doesn’t make sense at all to pray to a God who also is a consuming fire. (And that freaks you out!)
But pay close attention now because this is of utter importance. You’re legally God’s son. God cannot not hear you. You’re heard, not because of your sincerity, but because of your status as an adopted son of God. Maybe you don’t feel like God’s son after failing. But facts don’t care about your feelings (Smiles in Ben Shapiro).
Scriptures tells you if you have “put on Christ” (Gal 3.27), you have the Spirit of Christ that cries “Abba! Father!” (Gal 4.6). You have the same status of Christ.[8] You have direct access to your merciful and loving Father in Christ. Yes, merciful and loving!
Stop believing in a vengeful tyrant father that’s itching to beat you up after failing. The idea that God doesn’t want to hear you as his son, is contrary to Scripture.
Now, since Jesus is our high priest . . . “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Heb. 4:16).
Now, there are definitely some sins that makes God partially “deaf”, like
(Husbands buckle up!) Not treating your wife with consideration and respect (1 Peter 3:7).
Unconfessed sins (Is. 59:2)
Not caring for the wellbeing of other (Is. 58:6–9)
Unresolved conflicts with others (Mt. 5:23)
You can’t love God and hate your brother (1 Jn. 4:20). Now, regarding that persistent fleshly sin of yours . . . I’ve got an unconventional advice. . .
Don’t Pray Against Your Sin
You read that right. If you’re struggling with inward evils (pornography, lying, gossip, lust, etc.), when you pray against them you direct your attention to them and in some way, shape or form that will strengthen them. Instead, turn your attention away from sin and towards the life you want to attain. You want a life of prayer? Of intimate relation with God?
‘If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth” (Col. 3:1–2).
Fill your thoughts with Christ and the Word of God.
Be Active (or proactive) in your Church
Keep your mind occupied with godly things. See how you can support to your church and be active. No programs or activities that interest you in your church? Talk with your pastor, leaders and interested brothers or sisters to start a program or activities that motivates you and others in the growth of faith and fellowship.
Start a Reasonable Faith Chapter to equip believers in the defense of the faith through doctrine and Christian apologetics.
Start a book club.
Coordinate a mission trip.
Create a group to visit those in prisons and hospitals.
There are tons of things you can do to be of great help in church and in your community.
A lazy mind is the Devil’s Workshop
We do not first die to sin in order that we may thereafter live to God; we live to God, and so die to sin.[9]
Now, this is not in contraposition to Luke 22:39–46 where Jesus tells his disciples to pray so that they do not enter into temptation. My suggestion not to pray against your sin is against inward sinful temptations. But external temptations we must pray against it. We must ask God in prayer not to lead us into temptation but deliver us from evil.
Reignite Your Prayer Life!
Take a deep breath. I know the frustration and guilt you’ve felt in your prayer life. Your emotions are valid, and you’re not alone.
You might wonder, “Why can’t I desire to pray? Am I a true Christian?” But your worth isn’t defined by a flawless prayer record. It’s defined by being a child of God. Release your burdens and comparisons. Deep within, there’s a fire waiting to be reignited.
Remember the blessings and peace from connecting with God. You’ve learned the reasons for your waning desire. Now you have the tools to overcome them. Stand firm, rekindle your passion, and let your prayers become a symphony of faith.
Let’s pray.
I don’t receive any commission on the books I mention.
References:
[1] Maurice Berquist, When You Pray and Nothing Happens (Anderson, IN: Mass Communications Board, 1983), 17.
[2] All scripture quotations are from the ESV unless otherwise noted.
[3] John Onwuchekwa, What If I Don’t Desire to Pray? (Crossway 2020), 20.
[4] Donald S. Whitney, Praying the Bible (Wheaton, IL: Crossways 2015).
[5] Onwuchekwa 2020.
[6] James Hastings, The Christian Doctrine of Prayer (T&T Clark, 1915), 248.
[7] Onwechekwa 2020, pg. 35.
[8] [Editor’s note: this is in the sense of having the “spirit of Christ”. In that way, we have the “same status of Christ.”]
[9] Hastings 1915, pg. 241
Recommended Resources:
Miracles: The Evidence by Frank Turek DVD and Mp4
Two Miracles You Take With You Everywhere You Go by Frank Turek DVD, Mp3 and Mp4
The Great Book of Romans by Dr. Frank Turek (Mp4, Mp3, DVD Complete series, STUDENT & INSTRUCTOR Study Guide, COMPLETE Instructor Set)
Jesus, You and the Essentials of Christianity by Frank Turek (INSTRUCTOR Study Guide), (STUDENT Study Guide), and (DVD)
Miguel Rodriguez is the founder of Smart Faith, a platform dedicated to helping Christians defend their faith with clarity and confidence. After experiencing a miraculous healing at 14, he developed a passion for knowing God through study and teaching. He now serves as the Director of Christian Education and a Bible teacher at his local church while also working as a freelance email marketer. Living in Orlando, Florida, with his wife and two daughters, Miguel seeks to equip believers with practical and intellectual tools to strengthen their faith. Through Smart Faith, he provides apologetics and self-improvement content to help Christians live with wisdom and integrity.
Originally posted at: https://bit.ly/4vaVMHx
The post Struggling with Prayer? 5 Reasons You Lack the Desire to Pray (and How to Overcome Them!) appeared first on CrossExamined.
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