Why “the Birds and Bees” Can’t Be Just One Talk

I think it was in 2009 when, at an airport for an early morning flight, a wise Christian leader said to me bluntly, “John, the question is not if your daughters will see pornography. The question is what will they do when they see pornography?”

I was stunned, but he was right. His words are even more true today, fifteen years later, than when he said them. Technology makes it way easier than ever before for predatory pornography to find our kids. Even if they are not looking for it, it is looking for them. According to a 2020 survey, a majority of U.S. children are exposed to online pornography by age 13. Many are exposed as young as seven. According to the same report, 84% of male youths ages 14 to 18 and 54% of young women the same age have encountered porn. Last year, Common Sense Media reported that a whopping 71% of teens surveyed had accessed porn within the previous week of being interviewed.

If we aren’t teaching our kids how to think about sexuality and marriage, about their own bodies and how to respect others, someone—or something—else is. Parents must begin to teach even young children about who they are and how to deal with sexuality in a culture that is deeply broken. And they can start today.

Founded by Christian mothers Mary Flo Ridley and Megan Michelson, Birds & Bees has created a curriculum for parents with kids aged 1 to 10. The curriculum is designed to equip parents with age-appropriate tools to help children develop a good foundation in their hearts and minds for healthy sexuality. It covers topics like terminology parents can use, protecting kids from pornography and harmful ideas, conception and birth, intercourse and procreation, to name a few. 

Too many parents think it is unnecessary to talk about sex before puberty. That’s simply not true in an era that is confusing children not just about sexual behavior but also sexual identity. Ridley and Michelson have found that rather than thinking about having “the talk” at some point, having many small, age-appropriate conversations is far more effective. 

For one, having more age-appropriate conversations sprinkled throughout childhood helps take pressure off parents. Rather than “The Talk” approach, the Birds & Bees approach helps parents equip their children every step of the way. In addition to subject education, the program gives “practical strategies and exact phrases” to help parents answer their kids’ questions at the right time about anything from where babies come from to online dangers to their own sexuality.

Because Birds & Bees makes the topic of sexuality so approachable, it is more easily revisited. Sexuality is not a one-and-done issue. Getting in the habit of having good, timely conversations keeps the door open for harder conversations necessary later, as children navigate the challenges of puberty, social influences, relationships, and a screen beckoning them away from reality at every turn. 

Ultimately, the Birds & Bees curriculum gives parents clarity and confidence about a very confusing part of our culture, helping them raise their kids to steward their sexuality in a way honoring to the Lord. For more information about Birds & Bees or to enroll in their course, visit birds-bees.com. They also have a terrific podcast full of practical and helpful advice.

And, for even more resources on talking to kids about challenging topics like marriage, sexuality, or gender, check out the Identity Project, the world’s largest digital library of content and resources aimed to understanding who God made us to be as image-bearing men and women. You can learn more and subscribe at identityproject.tv.