My bride-to-be daughter rushed past the white lace and sequins, the high necklines and capped sleeves, reaching for a sleeveless dress. Excited women crowded around us. We had only one hour to find the perfect dress at the 50-percent-off sellout sample sale. It was wedding season in Utah. This was war.
“Do you have a modesty requirement?” our stylist asked.
“I don’t like plunging necklines, but I want sleeveless,” my daughter replied.
Another mother and daughter were eyeing a gown near us, and I felt strangely threatened. I heard the stylist ask the other bride-to-be, “Where are you getting married?” When she answered, “In the temple,” relief washed over me. Whew! We won’t need to duke it out for the perfect dress.
Though my daughter is modest, she didn’t need a dress designed to cover temple undergarments. When it comes to modesty, both Latter-day Saint (LDS) and Christian women have standards, but the reasons for them are entirely different.
Though the instructions sound Christian, LDS beliefs betray a very different view of marriage.
Likewise, the motivation for marriage itself is different for Mormons. Though the instructions—“Don’t fornicate before marriage; commit to your spouse for life; marry to build a family”—sound Christian, LDS beliefs betray a very different view of marriage.
Mainstream Mormons are “non-creedal,” but their core beliefs about marriage accord with their scriptures, temple rituals, and lifestyles. If you asked a Latter-day Saint his or her beliefs about marriage, you’d hear the following concepts.
1. LDS marriage equals exaltation in the celestial kingdom.
In Mormonism, the bare minimum entrance requirement to eternal life is baptism, but the way to reach the highest heaven is through marriage.
LDS scripture declares, “In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees; and in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage]” (Doctrines and Covenants 131:1–2). The following chapter further unfolds marriage as a law to be kept so godhood may be attained: “If a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, . . . if ye abide in my covenant, . . . then shall they be gods, because they have no end” (132:19–21).
This highest exaltation is only available to worthy, married Mormons. In an attempt to soften the blow for singles, the LDS article “About Temple Sealings” concedes, “The Lord knows that not all of His children will have the opportunity to be married in this life. He has promised that all who accept the gospel and strive to keep their covenants will have the opportunity to be married and have children either in this life or the next.”
This article is just one example of Mormon folklore directly contradicting LDS scriptures. But it’s widely accepted as true.
2. LDS marriage is eternal.
When my daughter looks at her fiancé and vows “to love and to cherish, till death do us part,” she’s promising permanent faithfulness to him. But when worthy Latter-day Saints marry in the temple, they’re sealed for now and all eternity. In her book A Mormon’s Unexpected Journey, Carma Naylor explains,
Our wedding was the realization of a dream and goal I’d looked forward to all my life: being married to a returned missionary in the House of the Lord (the LDS temple) for time and all eternity! After all, being sealed in holy matrimony forever by a Priesthood-holder was one of the requirements for entering the Celestial Kingdom and becoming gods and goddesses (attaining exaltation).
Here in Utah, we often hear the phrase “Families are forever!” To live forever with their families, though, worthy Mormons must be married in a temple where they undergo a sacred sealing ceremony. After each child is born, couples go to the temple to seal the children too. The LDS article “Why Is Marriage Important?” describes the reasoning: “This eternal union is possible when a man and a woman and families are sealed in holy temples, where those with proper authority from God fulfill Jesus’ promise that ‘whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven.’”
This eternal sealing raises issues similar to the Sadducees’ question about the woman who married her deceased husband’s brothers: “In the resurrection, . . . whose wife will she be?” (Mark 12:23). In the LDS view, Mormons who remarry after a spouse’s death or a divorce are technically still married—and will be married to multiple people in the afterlife.
Joseph Smith’s teachings on plural marriage began in 1843 when he received a specific revelation to help his first wife accept his new wives: “And let mine handmaid, Emma Smith, receive all those that have been given unto my servant Joseph. . . . But if she will not abide this commandment she shall be destroyed, saith the Lord” (Doctrines and Covenants 132:52, 54).
Though modern Mormons don’t practice polygamy, their past commanded it and their future includes it.
3. LDS marriage is for procreation.
Mormons are known for having large families—and there’s certainly nothing wrong with that—but their motivations are unusual. In her book Unveiling Grace: The Story of How We Found Our Way Out of the Mormon Church, Lynn Wilder puts it this way:
The LDS Church teaches that before the creation of the world, Heavenly Father had sired and Heavenly Mother had borne millions of spirit children. . . . Coming to earth and gaining a body was a necessary part of their “eternal progression.” If we didn’t provide bodies for these spirits, they might have to come to a less desirable home on earth.
Many of my LDS neighbors are doing a great job rearing families, but pressures to keep up the image of the perfect family can be disheartening. Again, Naylor writes, “I compared myself and my family to the other families at church, thinking they were ‘ideal families’ and wondered what was wrong with my family and me. This only increased my feelings of inadequacy and depression.” When Jesus isn’t the motivation for life, all good things—even marriage and parenting—can be extremely burdensome.
Only Grace Can Satisfy
I asked my daughter what her LDS friends say about her upcoming marriage. She replied, “That having a family is the most important thing we can do in this life, and you are so lucky you will never be lonely again!”
When Jesus isn’t the motivation for life, all good things—even marriage and parenting—can be extremely burdensome.
It’s true God gave marriage so man wouldn’t be alone (Gen. 2:18), but only God himself can provide the satisfaction Mormons desire. In his book The Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller reminds us of this divine purpose: “Marriage was designed to be a reflection of the saving love of God for us in Jesus Christ. That is why the gospel helps us to understand marriage and marriage helps us to understand the gospel.”
Though I wish my LDS friends well in their marriages, I pray they find the marital joy that only comes from the gospel of grace.
The Gospel Coalition