We’ve all experienced it. You glimpse a fellow church member down an aisle at the grocery store, but before you can wave “hello,” he darts out of sight. Or, after the closing benediction on Sunday morning, perhaps you are one of many who quietly gather their things, avoiding eye contact with the people around them.
“Greet one another,” Paul would say. It’s a directive he issues no less than four times across his letters (Romans 16:16; 1 Corinthians 16:20; 2 Corinthians 13:12; 1 Thessalonians 5:26).
If you — like so many of us — struggle to greet members of your Christian family while gathered on Sunday or dispersed on Monday, consider Paul’s example. Or better yet, consider Christ’s.
Paul’s Many Friends
Twenty-six. That’s how many people Paul greets by name in the closing remarks of his letter to the Roman church. And that number does not include Rufus’s mother or Nereus’s sister (Romans 16:13, 15); neither does it include the church that met in Prisca and Aquila’s home or the families of Aristobulus or Narcissus, all of whom Paul eagerly greets (16:5, 10, 11). What’s more, Paul doesn’t simply list 26 names but includes some detail about the people he is greeting. Prisca and Aquila had “risked their necks” for his life (16:4). Persis had “worked hard in the Lord” (16:12). Others had been imprisoned alongside him (16:7). In a word, Paul remembered and greeted his fellow laborers in Christ.
Although Paul wrote from afar, his greetings were inclusive and affectionate. He greeted Jews and Gentiles, men and women, young and old. He didn’t reserve his brightest “hellos” for his dearest friends and family but extended heartfelt greetings to whole churches and households — among whom were many whose names he didn’t know. In fact, Paul greeted people simply because of their position before God: “Greet Apelles, who is approved in Christ” (16:10). If Jesus claimed them, Paul greeted them. And he greeted them affectionately, as his coworkers in the gospel. Paul’s specific instruction to “greet one another with a holy kiss” underscores the affection he held for his Christian family (16:16). Undoubtedly, had he personally visited those 26 people (and counting), he would have embraced and kissed them.
Christ’s Broad Welcome
Paul inclusively and affectionately greeted fellow Christians because Jesus himself had set that precedent. “Welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you” (Romans 15:7). This beautiful distillation of the gospel is the theological foundation for how Christians relate to one another. If Christ died to welcome his enemies, surely Roman Christians could overcome the ethnic tensions that threatened their unity; surely they could overlook differing convictions about days and foods to greet one another with sincere affection (Romans 5:8–11; 14:1–4).
And surely we, the contemporary church, can press Paul’s command and Jesus’s example into the hard edges of our lives. Paul’s inclusivity demands that we ask ourselves whether we might be too stingy with our greetings, and his affection should make us wonder whether we’re guilty of devaluing our fellow gospel-servants.
Jesus received the thief on the cross. He went home with Lazarus. He took in the lame and the blind. He welcomed the woman at the well and called both a tax collector and a zealot into his inner circle. Should we not also move toward the brother or sister who looks different, who has been shaped by a different culture, or who espouses an opposing perspective? Jesus teaches us to look across the communion table with his eyes. If Jesus sees a person for whom he was willing to die, we must overwrite our reductionistic impressions with that reality. Now, instead of “cat lady,” we see a cherished mother in Christ. Instead of a card-carrying NRA member, we see a blood-bought brother. Instead of a disengaged teen, we see a child whose sins are forgiven.
Growing in Our Greeting
How do we nurture inclusive and affectionate hearts? Paul’s greetings in Romans 16 offer two clues.
First, Paul greets people by name. Some may say, “I’m terrible with names.” While that may be true, the weakness exempts no one from the command to greet one another. As we work to remember and use names, we almost certainly will discover our hearts growing in tenderness toward our church family.
But Paul goes beyond simply using names. Consider the details he includes in his greetings. He had observed his brothers’ and sisters’ contributions to the gospel cause. Though their efforts differed significantly from his own, he valued them all, and his heart overflowed in gratitude and sincere affection for his fellow workers.
We face a temptation to devalue others’ good works. If you’re an evangelist, you may be tempted to overlook ministries that strengthen the faith of believers. Exhorters and truth-defenders may devalue the contributions of those the Spirit has gifted with mercy and compassion. If you have the gift of teaching, you may neglect those who help offstage.
But the church needs all the gifts to grow into a healthy body. In Paul’s model greetings, he reveals one way various body parts can nurture affection for others: Observe and honor the good works of your fellow church members.
Those who collect communion cups, restock bulletins, and wipe down surfaces embody humble, Christlike service. Counselors and small group leaders, along with Sunday school, children’s church, and Bible study teachers, disciple and grow the body. Security teams ensure peaceful gatherings.
Or have you noticed the clusters of men and women quietly praying after the morning service? You’ve perhaps seen medical professionals rush to help in an emergency, and you’ve watched greeters standing by to direct latecomers to open seating. Venture backstage, and you’ll find the janitor’s closet, the kitchen crew, the sound booth, the nurseries. Attend a member’s meeting, and you may learn about the generous donations of the rich in this world. Or talk to those who volunteer to support the church’s various mercy and outreach ministries.
Paul’s example admonishes us to pause and observe the good works going on all around us. Doing so will not fail to foster gratitude in our hearts for God’s people, a gratitude that will spill over in many affectionate greetings.
From One Introvert to Another
I write this as an introvert who has persevered through many awkward church-lobby conversations. And still I write because the love of Christ compels and empowers us to overcome our dispositions and fears to warmly embrace those in the family of God.
If you struggle to inclusively and affectionately “greet one another,” remember how warmly Jesus welcomed you into his family. Then follow Paul’s example: Work to remember more names, and hone your observational skills. These too are good works, works that God rewards by deepening your love and gratitude for the body of Christ.
You may find that what begins as a faltering attempt to obey blooms into many sincere expressions of affection and gratitude for your brothers and sisters in Christ. This week, as you gather on Sunday and then disperse on Monday, greet one another!
Desiring God