Life within the prison of despair is a misery hard to explain. The darkness makes dumb, leaving groans too deep for words. Isolation becomes both a constant friend and a chief affliction. The other birds of the world chirp along merrily. Perhaps you used to sing among their branches, but now you wonder, What do these creatures know of the deep caverns of the world? How can they understand? They feed upon worms; you live with worms, if living it can still be named.
John Bunyan described such a state as mere breathing. When Bunyan personified despair in The Pilgrim’s Progress, he depicted it as a giant who battered his prisoners mercilessly. After the first round of beatings, Giant Despair visits his captives (Christian and Hopeful) and finds them “still alive, though barely alive at that. They could do little but breathe, because of their great hunger and thirst and due to the wounds they received when he beat them” (The Pilgrim’s Progress, 198). Inhale, exhale . . . inhale, exhale — and even this with pain.
And what is worse, some of those locked in the dark tower know they have themselves to blame. Christian had advised they take an easier meadow-path that paralleled the narrow and hard way. They got lost, caught in a storm, and then they were discovered trespassing on Giant Despair’s property. The pilgrims’ imprisonment was not due so much to tragedy as trespass; theirs was not simply grief but guilt. God seems distant; the two believers grow silent: “They also had little to say, for they knew they were at fault” (196). They’re caught in Doubting Castle. Their hearts condemned them; conscience grabbed a branch to club them; why wouldn’t God leave them there?
Have you ever been imprisoned here? Are you there now?
Escaping Doubting Castle
Whether you wandered from the way into a great sin or whether some calamity stole you from your peace, a voice may come to you and suggest the unthinkable. Giant Despair brings the sinister temptation:
So when morning came, he went to them in an unfriendly manner, as before. Knowing they were still very sore with the stripes that he had given them the day before, he told them that since they were never likely to leave that place, their only way out would be immediately to make an end of themselves — either with knife, noose, or poison. “For why,” said he, “should you choose to live, seeing it is accompanied with so much bitterness?” (197)
A lion hunts among the wounded. He loves the stray, the despairing, the disgraced. This temptation never made you pause before, perhaps — when life was happy, hope was bright, God was near. But now, the lights are out. Now, the wages of sin overwhelm you. Now, with Christian, you find yourself considering the counsel. If you wonder the same, I pray God gives you strong aid through Bunyan’s five lessons concerning Christian and Hopeful’s escape from Doubting Castle.
1. Expose the Temptation
If you struggle with suicidal thoughts, a first step is to expose them. Christian says to Hopeful,
Brother, what shall we do? The life that we now live is miserable. For my part, I do not know whether it is best to live like this or to die without further notice. My soul desires strangling rather than life, and the grave is more desirable for me than this dungeon. Shall we listen to the counsel of this giant? (198)
I have had conversations with Christians who confessed they were tempted to harm themselves. Isn’t this one of the best first steps out of such despair? Satan brings a lethal combination of temptation along with lies about his temptation. In this case, he tells those he tempts that they must be false Christians for even being tempted. He holds out the poisoned apple and smirks to see your hand twitch. Do true Christians really long to die? Can they actually be tempted toward suicide? Our soul’s enemy is not just “the father of lies,” but “a murderer from the beginning” (John 8:44).
No matter who you are, you are not the first to be “so utterly burdened beyond [your] strength that [you] despaired of life itself” (2 Corinthians 1:8). You are not the first to wonder, “Why is light given to him who is in misery, and life to the bitter in soul, who long for death, but it comes not, and dig for it more than for hidden treasures, who rejoice exceedingly and are glad when they find the grave?” (Job 3:20–22). Nor would you be the only one ever to pray for death, saying, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers” (1 Kings 19:4).
Bunyan’s first help for us is this: Expose the temptation. Follow Christian and go to a Hopeful, a trusted and mature believer or a faithful shepherd, and tell him how your Despair now counsels you.
2. Fear God’s Judgment
The second help comes with Hopeful’s response.
Indeed, our present condition is dreadful, and death would be far more welcome to me than to abide forever in this way. Even so, let us consider that the Lord of the country to which we are going has said, “You shall not murder.” If we are not to take the life of another man, then much more are we forbidden to take the giant’s counsel to kill ourselves. (198)
Beloved, to choose to destroy the life God has given you is not just a great tragedy but a heinous sin. With the euphemisms given for suicide today, we must not overlook that “God’s law, self-interest, and future judgment — all cry out against . . . the man who flees as a fugitive from life, and presents himself unbidden at the bar of God” (Commentary on John Bunyan’s The Pilgrim’s Progress, 94).
Bunyan goes on in the original to teach that suicide is “to kill body and soul at once,” arguing his position from 1 John 3:15: “You know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.” While I do not believe that every person who commits suicide goes to hell, I do not doubt it in many cases. I believe some who have traveled this deplorable path will be in heaven, but dear brother or sister, never test the Lord in this matter. The high-handedness of this sin, the destruction it leaves behind, the precarious end before a sure judgment ought to make us tremble and restrain the hand of self-harm.
O despairing soul, this is not the voice of your Father in heaven, “for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one” (James 1:13). This darkness playing upon your mind is not the wisdom from above — first pure, then peaceable, full of good fruit (James 3:17). No, demonic wisdom tempts you to such a dark act, and these spirits would lead you off the cliff if you would let them, as they did when they entered the herd of pigs. Life — abundant life — is what your Savior came to bring you. Do not commit an offense so great as self-murder against your Lord.
3. Remember Past Rescues
Prosperity preachers will not tell you this, because prosperity preachers do not preach the whole counsel of God, but Bunyan shows in his allegory how life can go from bad to worse, even for Christians. Giant Despair returns, incensed to find the pilgrims still alive, and vows to make them regret the day of their birth. At this, Christian faints in terror. After he regains consciousness, he again confesses his inclination to take Despair’s counsel. To which Hopeful, that brother born for the day of adversity, reminds him, “My brother, do you not remember how valiant you have been before now?” (200). Hopeful reminds him of all he has overcome and how many times he has played the man, God helping him. This remembrance is not so much about him but about his God with him, a recollection similar to the psalmist’s: “You have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy” (Psalm 63:7).
We face down our Giants of today and tomorrow as David did his: by remembering the God of past deliverances and every-morning mercies. “The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine” (1 Samuel 17:37). The Lord that delivered in the past will deliver now. He lives above and beyond our lightless castles, ready to raid our cells with grace and help in time of need, just as he has done before.
4. Grasp Great Promises
What finally breaks Christian and Hopeful free from Doubting Castle? Not vague ideas or renewed resolves or wishing upon a distant star, but believing upon living promises.
What a fool am I to lie in a stinking dungeon when I may as well walk at liberty! I have a key in my pocket, called Promise, that I am sure will open any lock in Doubting Castle. (202)
Despair forgets the “precious and very great promises” of God and their Yes and Amen in Christ (2 Peter 1:4; 2 Corinthians 1:20). Forlorn, we feel the blows of sorrow, attend to the gashes of guilt, but fail to search the pocket where the promise lies waiting. What a fool we have been to remain in a stinking dungeon when Christ would have us walk at liberty. Recall keys that have worked mightily on many a door in Despair’s penitentiary.
Guilt’s door:
Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. (Isaiah 55:7)
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1)
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)
He does not retain his anger forever, because he delights in steadfast love. (Micah 7:18)
Despondency’s door:
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)
Whoever comes to me I will never cast out. (John 6:37)
They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31)
This is the promise that he made to us — eternal life. (1 John 2:25)
Temptation’s door:
God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6)
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (James 4:7)
Oh, the liberation of promises believed! How they send us forth beyond the prison walls to better days — often before our situations even change. Robert Maguire captures the beauty of promise: “Promise sees the dawn from the midnight, anticipates the sunrise from the sunset, recognizes in the leafless trees and cheerless snows of winter the harbinger and earnest of the fruits and flowers and seasonable enjoyments of the summer-tide” (Commentary, 96).
O wintered soul, by faith in your great and compassionate God, who has not spared his beloved Son for you, send your heart ahead into coming spring by believing what he says is soon to come.
5. Crawl to Sunday
A final help Bunyan offers us comes by noticing the chronology.
Here, then, they lay from Wednesday morning till Saturday night, without one bit of bread, or drop of drink, or light or any to ask how they did. So they were in a dire situation, far from friends and acquaintances. (196)
Is it coincidental that Bunyan identifies the time frame as Wednesday morning till Saturday night? It is not. Sunday is the day of jubilee for the oppressed, the day to be reminded together of God’s certain promises with his redeemed people. “Is it not true that [Sun]day, by its holy rest and hallowed ministrations of the Word and prayer, breaks many a fetter, frees many a slave, dissolves the doubts of the week past, and delivers many a soul from the bondage of Despair?” (Commentary, 96). Can you not add your own testimony?
Giant Despair holds no authority in God’s house. The Lord of love lives here, the Lord of compassion, the Lord of life — the Lord in whose presence there is fullness of joy. He is the one who condemned sin in the flesh, crushed the skull of the dragon, and has sat down at his Father’s side — who is coming again for us. The Light of the world shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome him yet.
Despairing saint, Sunday is coming. Make it to his people, his shepherds, his ordinances. Crawl, if you must. Sunday, dear brother or sister, is the day of resurrection, the day of life — the Lord’s Day. A day to anticipate the arrival of the last promise he made to us: “Surely I am coming soon” (Revelation 22:20).
Desiring God